God Got Jokes...

Folk often wonder if God is Black or White. A man or a woman. If he has big blue eyes or eyes that are dark as ebony. Well, I've had an epiphany people! God is a black man. Why? Because only a black man could have jokes like this! A black man named Craig.

For sometime I have prayed and tried to have a baby (the trying is really the fun part). Sadly, it has not happened for me and I have just blown it off as me having old eggs and my wanting in my young life to be married before I had a child. Who would have thought that I would have gotten married so late and my clock would be ticking and tocking so loudly that I can hear it in my sleep. Maybe you only notice things when you are looking for them for yourself, but it seems as soon as I really started trying everyone around me was having their own blessed event.

So I continued to pray to God to let me have a child. And this weekend, Craig heard me. He blessed me with just that...and no, I am not expecting. Hubby, back in his day had a son that he was not allowed to see. This weekend, the mother decided to let him have a realtionship with his son. We should all be happy right?

Kinda. That damn Craig got jokes!!


I know I am wrong but I felt like I was intruded upon. Not that I don't want him to see his dad. Not that I don't think that it is Hubby's duty to be at least a small part of his son's life. It just seemed to come at the wrong time. I am proud of myself. I took it in stride. Never missed a beat.

This kid came in demanding my world. Demading his own space and my time. Just like a real baby. Dang, Craig!! My stepchildren and I have a great relationship, I love them so much and over the years I have come to treat them like my own. I have always made sure that anywhere that I was, they had a place. I wanted them to know they are always welcome in their father's house. I did that. I miss them when they are not around. But no matter how much I love and care for them, I take the backseat. I understand that. I have learned to live with it much like Black folk in the old south just learned to live with being on the back of the bus. I need to have my own bus boycott. Where the hell is Martin when you need him?

This kid came in demanding his space. And I was not sure if I wanted to give it to him.

Sad, right?

The more I sit and think about it, and trust, I have sat and thought a long, long time, I keep thinking that I am not a part of anything new in Hubby's life. Sometimes it leaves me feeling empty. I did not give him his first child, I am not his first wife, did not give him his first baby girl. NOTHING. It is hard for me being the NOTHING. I try my best to always be the bigger person, but quite honestly that is draining. But anyway, in true diva form, I welcomed my new addition into my home. Hopefully, made him feel loved when I was trying not to fall apart myself. Again, I prayed to the Lord and he gave me exactly what I asked for: a child. Ain't that a bitch?


Gotta get a little more specific when I talk to Craig.