Put your Demons Outside your Door

All last week I said that I was going to celebrate my birthday for the entire week. Well, Sunday we spent most of the day driving. Monday it was raining and miserable. Tuesday I had to make sure that Jassi got back home in time for her mom to pick her up. I guess I have fallen way short on the plan.

But you know what, putting those good vibes out in the universe is starting to pay off!

I got up this morning and said that I would not let today go by with me not doing something for myself. Even if that something was small. I was NOT going to have a bad day and all the foolishness that has happen so far this week will not kill my spirit for the whole week. I got up a little extra early and bought myself an iced coffee and a chocolate glazed donut. The woman gave me extra whipped cream because I had waited so long. Thank you, Universe! I hummed a little Jill Scott to myself as I walked through the parking lot. When I got in the office, I learned that all the teachers can leave early today! Thank you, Universe!
When I got to my classroom, I was hoping that this good streak would continue, but as the demons walked in, Demonslayer and Demon to the Left were the first in line. In our first class of the morning, DTTL started acting out. I started to scream, but decided that I would not let a little demon stop my joy.

I sat that joker right outside, in a chair, facing a bush.

I guess now I should call him Demon Outside the Door! HAHAHA! Or maybe the deamon by the bush?! Hmmm...


That is where he will stay all day. That is my plan.I am hoping that principal or someone walks by and asks why he is out there. Now that I think about it, that is what we should all do. When we see something or someone that is getting in the way of our good day, we should do just what I did with little DTTL...put it outside the door. Move that foolishness away from you and get going with your life.

Principal has not stopped by yet, but a couple folk have. They have asked why he is outside and I have told them. This has been greeted with big laughs.

Hey...at least for today...I am putting my demons outside the door!!

I am the Peacemaker

I saw this on Crimes Legal's blog and decided I would try it. Seems hubby is right about that killer instinct thing!

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

The Killer Instinct

This weekend hubby told me that I do not have the 'killer instinct'. For whatever reason, that really ticked me off. I always come from a place where I want to make everyone happy. If there is anything that I can do to keep from having an argument I will do it. Most times it means that I come out of pocket or that I get the shitty end of the stick, but if that keeps me from having to argue with you then so be it.

Hubby is not this way at all. Quite frankly, he can't even comprehend the idea!

This weekend was yet another argument with a family member. Even though my family lately has said some fool ass things to me, I have tried to keep my composure on the phone. Primarily, I do this because I do not want to complete sever the relationships and because there is just no need to me for that much drama.

Quite frankly, Hubby cannot comprehend this at all!


After replaying many voice mails this weekend with my Uncle shouting (and slurring) at the top of his lungs, I just got angry. I am fed up. I want this whole endeavor to be over with so that I can go back to my relatively peaceful existence. You see, this whole will thing has me baffled. I do not understand how YOU can be mad about something that was not YOURS to begin with, something you did not even work for. Anything that is left to you is not an ENTITLEMENT. It is a GIFT. A blessing, if you will. That said when Hubby listened to the messages he was LIVID. I, however, was hurt, but I guess I am becoming accustomed to my family treating me like I am not...well...family.

Hubby cannot comprehend this thought process at all.


So maybe I don't have the killer instinct. And in some regards I think that is a good thing. In this case, I believe that I am going to have to bear my fangs, but I really believe that not being the killer is not so bad at all. It means I have compassion for my fellow man. It means that I like to work through problems. It means I like to think things out. It means that if these folk keep fuckin' with me then I will have to ask Hubby to help me deal with it.


THAT he comprehends!

Happy My Year!

Each year, I determine my birthday my new fiscal year. Much like a business, I feel that I have my own new year so to speak. This is a time when I need to 'review the books' check out what is working, fire some folk, take on some new staff. My birthday always falls during the season on Lent. Since I was raised a good Catholic girl there was a sense of spiritual renewal also. Between the spiritual renewal and my own fiscal year check-up I usually find myself mentally and spiritually balanced for the new year.

As stated before I have had a really bad last few months which followed a really bad end of the year, which was preceeded by a rough begining. In my attempt to 'get back right' I have noticed some changes to myself that I don't quite like. When I sit and think about my 'don't quite likes' I get upset, a few times I have brought myself to tears because I just don't know what to do and I fear that soon it will begin to affect the relationships I have with people who may subconciously only be letting me get away with being 'not quite right' because they know I have not been 'quite right' for some time now. I see the 'not right' coming out in me as I frequently get angry for really petty things and get hysterical at times when being just a little miffed would have really sufficed.

I am tired. Both mentally and physically. I just can't seem to shake that tired feeling. I am angry. All the time it seems. Unforutnately, I constantly work on trying to act as if I am not. I am tired of people who can tell me they love me in one breath and scream at me IN THAT SAME BREATH. I am tired of believing that under all that anger that they are grief stricken and really love me and if I just try to work through this it will all be all right. Yeah right. I am tired of them believing that the only valid feelings in this world belong to them. I am tired of my grown as being referred to as a child. It is about time that skinny seven year old with the pigtails and the huge glasses shows you that she has grown up.

I know that at some point I am going to blow. Nuclear. Family and work have stretched me farther than the Stretch Armstrong doll me and my counsin tired to strech around the table and out the back door that summer in '75. It never broke. I am wondering if I will?

This fiscal year I have made some decisions. I am going to stop trying to make sure that everyone is OK. Oh, I am sure I will ask the unneeded questions, try to help when I really should leave you to handle your own business. I know I will want to settle the problem in a way that does not make you mad but may cause a strain for me. I know it will take me some time to ween myself from worrying, but I am going to let you be OK with being you and doing the dumb shit that you do. I am going to stop feeling bad because sometimes everything is going good for me. Those moments are few and I am going to live them to the fullest. You can be mad or jealous or come along for the ride, take your pick. That grief is now solely yours to bear. I REFUSE to let anyone speak to me as they choose anymore, be it family, co-worker, or friend. Say what you mean, but watch out! You may not be ready for the response. I am going to think positively. I am trying my best to put good thoughts out into the world and I can only hope that positive energy comes back.

This new fiscal plan should leave me in the black (no pun inteneded).


Happy My Year!

2 Weeks. 5 Days and Counting...

Well, I think I have thought it...I may have even thought it out loud. But I think that it needs to be said.


It is time for MIL to leave.

We have the strangest conversations. Oddly, she and Hubby are a lot alike and I am learning that is the reason they tend to bump heads. There is a need to be right at all cost.

Case in point...


Principal's mother died over the weekend. The school decided that, of course, all the teachers could not attend, but that each department chair should go. Since this was a day after a holiday, I was not dressed up, so I had to run home and make myself presentable to be in front of Principal, her family, and the department heads. When I rushed through the door, I called to MIL and Miss A to let them know that it was just me and not a burglar coming in to stick 'em.

As I was about to leave, I remembered that I had not had breakfast and decided that I would make a sandwich so that I would not be hungry during the ceremony and the long drive back. The conversation started as I was about to get my turkey sandwich to go:

MIL: So what church are they having it at?

I just thought of this. That really should not matter to her because she is not from here and would not know had I told her.


Me: It is not at a church it is graveside. It is at Lakeside Memorial.


MIL: Yes, I KNOW you are going to the grave site, but what CHURCH?

Me: No church...GRAVESIDE.


MIL: But they have to have some sort of service.


Me: Well, they are. Everything will be on the side of the grave...at the cemetery....hence GRAVESIDE.


MIL: There really should have been a church...


I used the ellipsis here because I really did not want to go on with the long tirade about church as I stood there shocked that my MIL with the PH.D did not understand the first grade compound word GRAVE SIDE!! GRAVE +SIDE = GRAVESIDE. Where are the demons when I need them? After a good 15 seconds more of this I ended the conversation:


Me: I guess they did not want all of that. There is no church we will all stand next to the grave with the Rabbi., the family, her friends and the body. No church...just grave...GRAVESIDE. And there would not be a church anyway. They are Jewish...there would be a TEMPLE. But I see that this is serious for you so as soon as YOU die, I will ensure YOUR ass is all up in a CHURCH!!


OK,that last sentence was said in my head as I drove away with my turkey sandwich. Y'all know I got better manners than that!


2 weeks, 5 days and counting y'all!

EAT THE DAMN SWINE!!

It is my personal belief that people who do not eat pork or who do not eat meat only do that mess to look better than us pork and meat eaters. The most common response when you ask someone who is a non-pork,non-meat eater is that it is part of a healthier life style. Now if you ask a Muslim they will tell you all about the why Allah does not want us to partake of the swine.

MIL has been here now for three weeks and my freezer is full of non pork products. I guess my issue is that the products that they by are reminiscence of pork products, which of course they don't like. For example, MIL loves turkey bacon. See I know as a bacon lover that anatomically there is a part of the pig called the bacon. It is right next to part called the pork chop. There is no part of the turkey called the bacon. The funny thing is that when I look at this turkey bacon with the disdain that it deserves, MIL tells me that is 'taste just like regular bacon'. That is just a fool ass statement to me. There is quite a bit that the turkey bacon folk have to go through to ensure that turkey taste like bacon. Don't even get me started on the sausage! If you really want something that looks like bacon you should eat some damn regular bacon and stop disrespecting the turkey!


If you don't eat pork you should not want any pork look-a-likes. Not a turkey hot dog, burger, or slice of bacon. Stop trippin' if you are still eating the look-a-likes, that means that you really long for the real thing. Eat the damn pork!

Happy Valentine's Day!

My husband is the king of Valentine's Day. This morning I was greeted with a little Tiffany's box with a dragon fly necklace. How sweet! He was a little perturb when I said that it was a mosquito, but you know, the sentiment was sweet.

At work today, I received a dozen tulips. My favorite! This shows that Hubby does listen, because I told him that although I love roses, I think that men should listen to the kind of flowers a woman says she really likes...even though we will take a rose any day. I also receive 10 (yep) 10 teddy bears this morning. The woman in the front office are pissed! When I went up there this morning, one had a box of heart shaped Snickers and another's husband bought her the last batch of roses they had at the Winn Dixie. She is not a happy camper and he will not be getting any hot fabulous Valentine's Day love. Matter of fact, he may have to get some Valentine's Day lovin' from another source which will put a whole new spin on the VD in Valentine's Day!


HUG SOMEONE YOU LOVE!

THE VICE PARENT

Here's an idea!!!


I think that step parents get a bum rap. I mean, I think we should change the name. Midgets got tired of being called midgets and they now DEMAND to be called little people. Personally, I think I like midget better, but damned if I will call them midgets.

I think that the word step parent means that you are a step away from that child. A step further from being loved or cared for by that child. See the thing is lately that I have SUPER involved in the lives of my step kids and as much as I want to believe it, I know that I will not be the one that my step son is talking to when he mouths the words "HI MOM" during his first televised basketball game.

I am OK with that. It is just another away that I am to expect as a step.

I think I will rally all the step parents I know to change the name...like the midgets (oops, little people) have done. From this day forward, I will be known as a VICE parent. Yep, like the President, I have some command, not much, but some. I can be called in on major international incidents. I can be conferred with for policy changes.

I AM VICE PARENT!

The picket lines start to the left.

OH HELLS NAW!!

It is my understand that my play play baby daddy is cheating on me! What is the world coming to! Seems the new love to the love of my play life is Ciara. I knew it was something about that yella heffa I did not like! LOL!

The Return of Mr. Colorado

Mr. Colorado has been in school now for about a month. I would have thought by now he would be used to the air here, but it really is not happening. Mr. Colorado is lucky enough to sit by my Jesus Calling Demon (JCD). Though she irritates the hell out of me some days, she had the unique ability to make me loose my teacher cool sometimes and burst out laughing.

Yesterday, during reading, JCD yells out EWWWW! Then the fun began. Mr. Colorado had wet his pants. Quite frankly, I am not sure just how much juice this brother had for breakfast, but the Nile River was under his desk and seemingly had run on to JCD's new Nikes. She, needless to say, was not happy, nor was she calling on Jesus.


JCD: MS. GREEN, COLORADO HAS JUST PISSED ON MY SHOES!!

Me: Please don't say pissed.

JCD: Well he did and it is all on my new shoes!

JCD was hot at this point. I couldn't even be that mad at her because they were some really cute pink Nikes...now they had a litte trace of yellow! HAHA!

Me: Did you have an accident, Colorado?

Teacher's can't say pissed, we must use the term accident, even though I think this was more of an "on purpose".


MC: No.

Me: Are you sure?

MC: Yes.

Me: Well, just what is all that on the floor?

JCD: It's PISS, Ms. Green!

Me: Please stop saying that!

JCD: But it is!

Me: Colorado...are you sure?

MC: Yes. I am sure.

Me: OK. Well do you have a drink or something in your bag that may have spilled?

MC: No.

Me: Then just what is that on the floor.

MC: Don't know.

By this time he is standing in front of me and sure enough is pants were not wet.
What the hell?! I was confused, but I would be damned if I was going over to sniff him or the Nile that was under his desk. Not to mention JCD had already scoped that out. I think this child's mother purchased those waterproof stain proof Khaki's that Levis is always talking about. Well, them shits really do work because that Negro was bone dry standing in the river. If you are the mother of a child that wets his pants a lot, this is THE product for you.

Me: Tell the truth. It is OK. Everyone has an accident every now and then.

This is another lie that we must tell as teacher. Quite frankly, by 7 years old, you really shouldn't have this kind of 'accident' anymore. 7 year olds have grown as urine. Actually, JCD is right...that mess that came out of him was piss. MC: Um...yes. I did have an accident.

Me: Well, why didn't you say something?

Wait for it...

MC: I did not think you would notice. I thought it would dry up.


Now I need to call on Jesus!

FUCK IT ALL

Miami is obviously the only place in the free world where it can be 56 degrees one day and magically in the 80's the next. Needless to say, I feel a bit of a cold coming on. I have decided to blame the weather for my blah feeling today.

I am really tired. I came into school slightly earlier than usual this morning. I have tried to pull up out of my house around 7:30 the past few mornings instead of my usual 8:00a.m. rush. I just feel like I am the person that is in the way. I am one of those people that enjoys the quiet. I am an early riser. I love early morning. I think I get up so early because it is peaceful that time of day. I can listen to Hubby breath while I snuggle up on his back, plan my day out, read, or have a cup of hot tea all alone and get myself ready to face the demons of the day.

Lately, the hustle of my house has started around 7a.m. when MIL's nurse comes in for the day. Hubby and I get dressed for work, give a quick peck on the lips and head off for the day. He looked as me strangely this morning and stopped:

Hubby: You OK?

Me: I'm good.

Hubby: Let's just go back to bed and watch movies all day.

I smiled and pondered that for awhile. The famous "fuck it all day'! Hubby and I had invented the impromptu holiday back when we were dating and just wanted to spend uninterrupted time alone. It did not necessarily need to be a work day (though that made it even better) just any day we wanted to watch movies, and just be the two of us. I need a 'fuck it all' day right now. Just a break from everything. I know that today would be a waste because MIL would call and ask for the unnecessary all day. I would still have to pick the baby up from school, still have to deal with her mother later this evening. A good 'fuck it all day' need for one to be able to do just that, 'fuck it all'.


So I declined, took another peck and headed out the door to face my demons. Lucky for me the FIRST demon I saw was Demonslayer. I sighed. In the back of my head I just do not understand how this child NEVER misses school. I have a theory that the worst demons have the best attendance records. Their parents know they are bad. Hell, they don't want to deal with them either.

So, I sit here and wait for 4 o'clock when the second part of my day will begin. I wait for the morning when I will be able to snuggle on Hubby's back and ask him if he would like to take a 'fuck it all day'.