MY PLAY PLAY BABY DADDY

There is no reason for these pics except to show my play, play baby daddy. See, he does not have to do all those shirtless photos to be phine. He can be phine fully clothed. Now, that's what I am TALKING 'BOUT!!!

3 DAYS AND 5 WEEKS LEFT...

I hate when you really are not feeling your best and folk say to you "Hey, you really look awful today!" Today, I have heard that more than my fair share of times and I am rather tired of it. One person even said, "You look great, just not as fabulous as you normally do." I guess that is just a nice way of putting it.


Yesterday, as soon as I walked in, I was greeted by MIL and her day companion. The woman that spends the day with her has to be the most patient woman on the planet. I have never met anyone like her. I guess that is because she is the only person I have met that has spent that much time with MIL and still comes back for more. I told Hubby last night that this woman is obviously an angel (or at least touched by one) and I am not sure if God sent her down for MIL or me.

Anyway, the two of them presented me with a list of things for my daily Wal-Mart run. I have decided that I might as well get stock in the company, because I can see that I will greatly improve their P&L this quarter. The list contain normal items that I should get from the grocery store. It also included some favorites. For example, I need to pick up honey mustard for her daily turkey sandwich (it's low fat you know) and turkey burgers. As I read down the list, I noticed that she also asked for a chest of drawers (!!!). Now I understand that she needs this because she is not to bend down, but buying furniture, in my humble opinion, means and intent to stay longer than just 6 weeks. For Chrissakes she wants me to BUY FURNITURE!

I put this out of my mind until this morning. I picked up my list and headed out the door, knowing that there would be a new and improved list once I got home.


I keep telling myself...it is almost over...only 5 weeks and 3 days left.

Please, Please Pray for Me!

This weekend MIL moved in to recoup from her spinal surgery. I called my best friend to tell her of this and she suggested that I find a synagogue, church, Kingdom Hall, prayer group, burning bush or PTL partner to help me get through this. I agreed and have looked into seeing if Reverend Ike is still sending out those prayer hankies or if I could become a Hare Krishna without cutting my hair into that little ponytail. Maybe the Nation of Islam will lend me a bow tie and a bean pie for a few weeks.

Anyway, to make sure that she is comfy cozy my den has become her personal living space. She has a hospital bed, a massage chair and her own personal nurse, physical therapist, and a woman who just comes to sit with her during the day. The weird part is that these are not enough people for her. She must also elicit the help of me and Hubby on an almost minute to minute basis.

At first, she was to stay at the hospital in the rehab facility. She complained to Hubby that she felt she would not get the care she needed in the hospital (!!!!) and needed to be with family. Hubby agreed. The look I gave him should have put him in a rehab facility. So my precious weekend was spent shopping for a recliner for her to be comfortable in, completing her grocery list (which contained only things that were low fat, fat free or made with splenda...remember this, it is important later), and making sure that she had adequate entertainment.

I guess one of my biggest issues is that she can never just come out and say what she means. She is the queen of beating around the bush. Remember I said everything on the shopping list was low or fat free. Well, this Sunday, Hubby requested fried chicken for dinner. No Black person worth their salt has come up with a good low/free of fat fried chicken recipe. So to keep from hearing about her cholesterol (this along with her issues with her bowels since the surgery has been the main topic of conversation for the last 3 days) I baked her two boneless skinless chicken breast. We all sat at the table to eat.

MIL: Everything looks so lovely!

Me: Well, thank you?

MIL: Well, what is that you all have there?

Jassi: Chicken wings, Grandma!

At this point I looked DIRECTLY at Hubby. I knew what was coming and I think he did too.

MIL: You know, I like the chicken wings, too. That would be a nice taste in my mouth.

I foresee it being a looooong six weeks. I am sure I will feel years older and be quite a bit grayer by the time the six weeks is over. I have daydreamed about packing her up on exactly week 6 and driving her home lickety split. I am sure that she will need some additional time to 'get her strength back' before she will be able to make it home. Maybe she will leave before Christmas.

Last night she asked Hubby if he would get a bell so that she could call us when she needed us at night. I looked at Hubby and walked away. She can't really be serious. If she gets a bell, she will be the only MIL that is MIA.

Jesus and Bob Marley

Once a week, Hubby and I make a point to go to the diner down the street from us and have breakfast. We take this time to talk, catch up on each other and laugh. The past few weeks have been tough on the two of us. We each have a lot of personal and business matters that are going and it is pretty overwhelming at times.

This morning as we sat in our same booth, after ordering our usual breakfast. I look over a Hubby and say "what are we going to do"? He, in true Hubby style says, "we just have to ride things out...it is not like we don't see a light at the end of the tunnel".

"It's a pretty long damn tunnel, Babe!" I said and we both just laughed though he knew that I was serious. I am a worrier. Most don't know that, but I can worry about most anything. These past few weeks between family, work, and more family and work, I have worried myself silly.

This diner has the booths with the little jukeboxes in it. We have never put the nickel in the jukebox, but we have sat and laughed at some of the titles that are available, Sly and the Family Stone being one of my favorites. Anyway, as we sat there and laughed about our troubles. I secretly thought in my head "Lord just what am I gonna do".

Now get this...the jukebox started playing! NO JOKE! It was very low at first. I notice that it was on, looked over confused at Hubby and turned up the volume.

"Don't worry...about a thing..'cuz every little thing...gonna be alright".


Jesus and Bob Marley are singing to me this morning! I started laughing. I looked over a Hubby and he just grinned. Wow! I guess the Lord still gives signs. This time it was Bob Marley with a side of cornbeef hash. I have been singing that song all morning.

The Murder Gene...

There is a show on Oxygen Network called "Snapped". The show focuses on women who lead perfectly normal lives, then one day, they just snapped! The situation they were in just became too much. They got tired of the bullshit. They got to a point where they felt being the bigger person just was too damn much. So they killed a bitch. Not everyone has this ability. I call it The Murder Gene.

I have never understood that. I mean I have a temper, but I have never gotten so angry at a person that I even thought of killing them. A chick like me would never make it in prison. I cannot be Big Bertha's woman! Not to mention prison wardens are really prejudiced to inmates wearing Jimmy Choos with their county blues. I have never understood how you can give up your whole lifejust because someone made you angry.

Betcha I understand that shit now!

Auntie Dearest is crazy. I have said it before, but before there was a bit of humor in what I said. Today, I am completely serious. Without getting into the whole story, let's just break it down to the fact that this past weekend, she was up in my face asking those famous fight questions "Well, do you wanna see what I'm gonna do?"

This is funny for two reasons. The first is that she outweighs me by about 75 good pounds. The fight would have been quick, she really could have just sat her big ass on me. And two, she is the First Lady at her church. I really wonder what the Ladies League would say about her putting up her fists to duke it out instead of dropping to her knees in prayer!

The point I am trying to make is this. For a brief moment, I had come to the point where I had had ENOUGH. I wanted her to no longer exist. I walked toward the kitchen with the intent of getting a knife and putting her out of my misery. Luckily, that brief 10 foot walk kept me from doing just that and becoming Big Bertha's love slave. Not to mention county blue does not work with my undertones!

This whole thing taught me this...emotions, especially anger, are powerful things. In a brief second you can change your life just because your are angry with someone. We are not animals and cannot run solely on emotion. We must take time to stop and think. I have thought about our fight over and over the last few days. I realize I am angry at the fact that she has yet to view me as an adult. She is angry that her father did not entrust his business with her. Something that neither of us can change. I think that we both need a time out...before one of us "snaps"...


...and kills a bitch.

The List...

This was the weekend I was to spend with my family taking things out of my grandfather's house. I prepared myself for the worse. And the worse happened. But before that, my strange life took over.

My sister-in-law had warned me about taking my mother-in law shopping. She told me that a quick trip could take quite a few hours. Knowing that MIL wanted to pick some things up from varous stores I offered to just go get everything myself. I thought it would make the trip quicker. It did.

However....


When I woke up Friday morning I asked Hubby to go get his mother's shopping list. I wanted to get out of the door as quickly as possible. He came back with the list just as I was putting on my clothes to leave. I looked at the list..then I looked at him.

Me: Are you sure you want me to get all this?

Hubby: Yes, what's wrong?

Me: Did you look at the list?

Hubby: Yes, it is not that long.

Me: So what you are saying is that you want me to get your mother a vibrator?!!

Hubby: What?!


Sure enough the first thing on the list was a vibrator. No lie. Stop laughing. For real. Turns out she wanted one to massage her back. We both started laughing. I mean you need to tell a girl. Ya gotta be specific. See, everyone would have blamed me if I came back with the super deluxe dick slinger with the jumbo balls. A girl need to know if she is shopping at Family Dollar or Fantasty Lane.


I guess the real funny thing would have been if she would have kept it!

Mr. Colorado Strikes Again...

The air is thin in Colorado. Or maybe it is just the air is heavy in Miami. This change in atmospheric pressure is killing Mr. Colorado. That is the only reason I can come up with for him.

Mr. Colorado sits at a table with two of my smartest students. This works because 1. I hope that they will be able to explain material to him at a level he may understand and 2. if all else fails maybe some of their 'smart' will rub off on him.

Yesterday, one of the boys (Smart Demon#1) at the table comes up to be looking confused and downright hurt. And so the journey with Mr. Colorado began:

SD1: Ms. Green, Colorado told me to suck his...his (he points down to his pants and then whispers) private parts!

Me: WHAT!!

SD1: He said suck his private parts.

Me: Did he say 'private parts'?

(Now, I am whispering, too)

SD1: Oh, no...he said the other word.


So I called Colorado to the desk. To this very moment I am wondering why I did not just send him to Principal. But then she would have had a conversation with me and two such conversations (with colorado and Principal) should not be had on the same day. That would be both cruel and unusual punishment.


Me: Did you tell Smart Demon to suck your private parts?

MC: Yes.

Me: Why would you say such a horrible thing?

MC: He told me to.

Me: He told you to say that?

(at this point SD1 is shaking is head so hard it may fall off)

MC: He has been saying all kinds of nasty things to me and they have been sticking in my head and then they came on my lips.

Me: What did he say to you?

MC: I can't remember, but I know that it was dirty.

Me: Did you think that was the right thing to say?

MC: I don't know it was in my head and I said it. I could not help it.

So I called the other smart demon to the desk. What is really funny is this kid is a genius, looks like he is India, is from Trinidad, and speaks with the most ghetto accent you can imagine. He is usually able to tell a sensible story about what happened.

Me: SD2, did you hear what happen at your table?

SD2: Yes.

Me: Well, who said what and was SD1 telling Colorado nasty things.

SD2: I don't know 'bout all that...but I know he told him to suck his dick...I mean wee-wee.

MC: But my brain told me.

I am really tired of this child and his pal 'brain' that keeps telling him to do foolishness. It's like that cartoon Pinky and the Brain.

What are we going to do tonight, Brain?

Same thing we do every night, try to aggravate Ms. Green!

I Love New York.

Separated at birth? You Make the Call!


I need a support group. My name is KGreen and I am a reality show junkie! I love this stuff. If you are looking for your baby daddy and you have tested 11 men just to hear Maury say you are NOT the father, or if you are a white guy who has decided that he needs to be a part of the ghetto revolution even though you are the King of Suburbia, hell, you are the show for me!

For the last couple years, I have been hooked on Flavor of Love. I was so sad when I realized that after he crowned Deelishis with her gold grill that I would never see that show again other than on lonely Sunday afternoons when I would watch reruns and marathons over and over. Just imagine how happy I was to learn that New York would have her own show!

Now let's face it...this girl is not the best and the brightest but, much like a train wreck I cannot stop watching this show. I was surprised to know that men actually found her chain smoking, cheap dress wearing, manly momma having self attractive. Again, another train wreck and I just can't stop watching.

Last night I watched Ms. New York and talked back and forth with Crimes Legal. We came up with a revelation. These men like this woman because she reminds them of their child hood. Ms. New York looks exactly like Janice from the Muppets. Remember she played the guitar in Dr. Tooth's band Mayhem? I really believe these two were separated at birth at some hospital in muppet kindom.


God, I love reality TV. Hallelujah Holla-back!

Happy Burfthday to You!

Just when I thought I would have nothing to write about today...

This morning just after we walked in the door (which was about 5 minutes ago) The Demonslayer walked up to me. It was really too early for him to walk up to me, but I am just not in the mood for a fight this morning. Here's the conversation:


DS: Ms. Green today is my burfthday.

(remember I told you he has that speech problem which makes everything funnier)

Me: Wow. That's great.

DS: My burfthday is January tweff.

(What's funny is today is the 16th. What is even funnier is that we were in school on the 'tweff' and he never mentioned it.)

Me: OK. Great.

(no unnecessary discussions today)

DS: Yes, and I am going to be tweff anyway too.

What the hell?

Me: Well, happy tweff burfthday, Demonslayer.

So for much of the morning, he has been telling the other kids that he is 'tweff' today. The other kids in the class have been looking at him with the pie face, but I guess by now they expect this foolishness out of him so they pretty much have ignored him.

Except for Mr. Colorado. Get ready.

DS: I am tweff today.

MC: Good, I am 13 already in Russia.

I need a drink.!!

Mr. Colorado

I must take a break from talking about my crazy family. I will go back to what I love to talk about...yep...the demons.

I have a new student from Colorado (first of all, now that his family has left the Black population in Colorado has dropped to zero). He has to be the weirdest child I have ever encountered. He reminds me of the kid from the Simpson that just says dumb shit at any given time. Has nothing to do with what is going on...just whatever has crossed his mind.

I will call him Mr. Colorado.


Mr. Colorado says weird stuff to me all the time. For example...out of the blue one day he said that he was not here. Listen up....HE said HE was not here. How is that possible? After giving him my newly patented Colorado Confused look, I walked away. A few seconds later he said 'didn't you hear me?' I said 'no, because I left five minutes ago.'

The next day he told me that he could only talk to me in Russian that way he would understand. Again, I gave him the look and told him that if he did I would not understand him. He said something that sounds to me like "HUNGAMYUNDASMIT". I asked him 'what did you call my momma? " This time he walked away.

Today, he turned in his test paper and, if you have not guessed by now he is not the best or the brightest. Most of the answers were correct.

That just can't be right. But then again maybe the baby had an epiphany. I was over joyed becayse the last few days were quite scary. I called him to the desk and asked him to read the paper.

Me: Read this for me Colorado.

MC: I can't read.

Me: Then how did you get the answers?

MC: My brain had told me to do it.

Me: Your brain?

MC: Yes. I just looked at it and my brain said that I should chose the one in the middle.

Now this would have been a logical answer if he had chosen all the words that were in the middle. But some were on the top. Some were the last word on the list. I think this 'brain' is the voices in his head. He is crazy. If I had any damn sense I would run!
Me: Did your brain tell you how to read it?

MC: No. But maybe I should ask my brain.

Me: OK.

MC: Did I do something wrong?

Me: No. I just need to know if you read this paper yourself.

MC: No. I had help.

Me: Who helped you?

MC: My brain.

See, that's that bullshit right there!

What Kinda Fool Am I?

Ironically after I wrote my long post yesterday about indifference, I had a conversation with Auntie Dearest.

Even thought I am well on my way to giving less than a damn about all this foolishness we are going through, Hubby comes to me with a way that we could probably solve one of the bigger family problems that we have. In his spare time he is a genius and he had come up with a way that my Uncle could purchase the home and everyone get a fair and equal share. I was excited, so excited that I was talking faster than I was thinking. When I couldn't get Uncle on the phone, I took a deep breath and did something I did not think I would do for a long time. Actually, I had to stop and pray a moment.

Yep, you guessed it...I called Auntie Dearest.

So my fool ass is bubbling over with my new found information and although she was more welcoming then she has been in a long time (I mean at least this time she did not say some fool ass thing like I was UNGODLY). I told her the idea and guess what?


IT STILL WASN'T A DAMN 'NUFF!

Now, I must be fair. At least she was open but it still was not enough for her. Sadly, if things are not her way all the way them she does not deal well. We talk for quite some time more and I realized more and more during the conversation that she really only listened to the parts she wanted to listen to. Ain't that a bitch? We ended the conversation civilly. She did not call me a demon once! Surprise!!

I left the conversation confident that I need to handle this matter the way I have been handling it. Hopefully any ill will can dissipate over time. Right now I think she believes that I completely agree with her. I don't, but I am willing to compromise.

In the meantime WHAT KINDA FOOL DOES SHE THINK I AM?

What is the opposite of Love?

Most will say the opposite of love is hate. I used to think that. Itis not true. Hate requires some emotion and thought. It often requires more time than love. It is usually a product of love. Hate has feeling and depth. It causes pain. It takes up your time. It means that the person or thing or situation still has some control over you.

The true opposite of love is indifference.

Indifference means that there is no thought, emotion, or pain. It means that it no longer matters or even exist.

Case in point...I think that I have reached that point with my family. I think each of them is so very concerned about themselves that they don't think about how their actions affect others. They also don't seem to notice that their selfishness is ruining our family. At one point I sad I just hated them all.

Now, slowly, it seem they just don't matter to me at all anymore.

Hubby said to me the other day that I should just handle things as best I see fit, make sure everyone is treated fairly, and call it a day. For the longest now, I have fought that. I felt that I needed them to feel whole. In a way I do. Everyone should have a family link, but lately, I have felt more whole without them. Each day I seem to care about their feelings less and less. It is the same way I think they feel about me. I think that eventually this hate I have for them will have run its course and I will be indifferent.

My mom says that you cannot choose your family. You have to deal with the cards that you are dealt. It is time for me to fold. I don't believe that you can't choose your family. When I think about it, I have family. I have several mothers, many children, and a ton of neices and nephews and 5 sisters. I can create all the family I need right now.

It's a weird feeling...I want to keep hating these people. I want to keep having some kind of feeling for them. But slowly I am having a change of heart. They don't matter one way or the other.

I guess that is indifference.

Where You Lay Your Head...

Hubby has few friends. Not because he is mean and surly (which he kinda is), but because he is very selective about the folk her refers to as friends. He has one buddy from college that I have recently met and I adore. They were in band together. At an HBCU this is almost as important as being on the football team. Hopefully, it is as funny to the average person as it is to me that Hubby was a band geek. The thought of all 6'5" of him playing the tuba and dancing just cracks me the hell up.

Anyway, when I first met the SaxPlayer, he brought his girlfriend with him. I was amazed that I liked her and him so much. The two of them spent many weekends with us. This weekend he is here with a new girlfriend. You know I am shocked! True to "that's my girl" instincts all over the globe, I have given this girl the pie face since she got here. Hubby says I am wrong. He may be right, but my face is still all 'pied up'.

I asked hubby why SaxPlayer is not her with my friend and why he has brought some new chick in my home. He said that my friend wanted to get married and SaxPlayer was not ready for that. I asked why...the two of them seemed so perfect together. They finished each other's sentences and jokes. I just loved seeing the two of them together. Hubby then goes on to tell the story that the two of them had gotten into a fight a few years back about the same marriage issue. At the time SaxPlayer had lost both of his parents and was caring for a younger brother. Money was tight and they had all moved into one place. Hers. She got angry and put them out that night. He begged her to let him stay letting her know that he did not have anywhere to go. She refused (as angry Black women do) and he and the brother had to live in the car for awhile. Eventually, she cooled down (as Black women do) and they moved back in together. Things got better for him and he moved into his own place. They still saw each other, but he had his own spot. He said that from that point forward he could not see marrying her because she would be able to quit the relationship in his time of need. She did not have him "for richer or poorer".

WOW!

Hubby at that point remined SaxPlayer of something his father taught him "you don't lay your head on a pillow that you don't pay for". This might be the reason that anywhere that we have lived Hubby has made sure that he paid the rent. It's good advice. But it is even better advice for our daughters. Right at that moment I told myself that I would make sure that I had this same philosopy with Jassi and any other girl child in my world. YOU DO NOT LAY YOUR HEAD ON A PILLOW YOU DON'T PAY FOR. The only men you need to live with are your father, brother or husband. If they are paying for your pillow, cool.

We have become OK with people living together. But what more do you learn about a person when you live with them? For the most part you learn that you do not want to marry them. Hubby and I lived together for four whole months before our wedding. Some days I thought about canceling the wedding. Living with someone has you experiencing their bad habits and all that stuff without you having to deal with a true commitment. Now that I am married I have to deal with Hubby and his cigars. A habit he knows I dont' like, but he loves. If we were living together I could just say 'forget this mess" and move out as easily as I moved in. When you are married you have to compromise.

So right now, per Hubby's instructions, I will get the pie off my face and be a gracious host. I am sure she is nice. She teaches demons just like I do. What I have learned is this: Where you lay your head is important. Make sure it is a place that is yours until you are willing to completely share that space with someone. All the space...not just the pillow (that you don't pay for) and an easy way out.

I needed the break...

My two week holiday break is almost over. I needed the rest. I have been lucky enought to spend this time with friends. Note I said 'friends', not really too much family. When I think about it I needed a break from them and all their drama too. My mom said something to me the other day that is so very cliche but true. "You pick your 'friends' but you can't do a damn thing about your family. So you have to love and put up with 'dem bitches if you like it or not."

This holiday, I chose 'not'.

Now don't get me wrong, there were moments when I missed my mom and my uncles and especially my (though I hate to admit it) Auntie Dearest. But I learned over this time off that sometimes in a effort to find yourself, you have to loose a lot of folk. I think that my family has thought some of the same things. Right before I came home for the holiday, I talked to my uncle and we squared some things out. On New Year's eve, I got a call from Auntie Dearest (!!!!). I looked at the caller id and decided to let her leave a message. She left the best apology she could do, and I need to accept that. I will in my own good time. But for right now, I still need some time. She is one of my new year's resolutions.


Oh, well, three more days before I have to go back to my demons. All of them both personal and in my class room. Until then, I will continue to relax an enjoy my time at home.


Damn I don't wanna go back to work.