Why Did I Get Married?

Today was the second time I have seen the movie "Why Did I Get Married". The first time was with another married couple and today was with a friend of mine who had not seen it, but did not want to go alone. Since there are few movies that show Black folk as real people (not just pimps, 'ho's, and crackheads), I had no problem sitting through a second showing.

This time as I watched I thought of a friend that is going through some marital problems and I really took a minute to think about just why we get married. More often than not I think we do it for security, or because we feel our clock is starting to tick a bit too loudly. I think we are looking for some specific need and sometimes someone comes along at exactly the right moment to fill that need. I think there are many times that we are trying so hard to fill that need that we miss out on some of that person. What I mean is we miss some of the common sense everyday things that we need to know about a person that will make the marriage run smoothly. Doesn't mean we don't love the person, just means that we missed some things.

Mind you...these are just everyday things.

For example, Hubby does not pick up anything. I can pretty much tell you where he has been in the house by the stream of lights that he leaves on in the morning. We have talked about how much this irks the hell out of me. And quite frankly, it really is nothing new. When we dated he did this same thing, though I swear not as much, and I picked up and kept moving without it being a problem at all. I loved him, he was my boo. Still is.

Now Boo leaving his stuff all over is just boo-boo!

There have been many discussions about it, a few fights and though it has changed some it has not changed completely. I still follow behind and pick up and flick off lights in the morning. In the grand scheme of things it could be much worse. He could be the kind of husband that is not here in the morning, or is turning on the lights somewhere else. It has become one of those strange things in our marriage that is just something that we (and by we I mean I) accept. For example, my grandmother never fed my grandfather from a paper plate based on a (ahem) conversation they had many years before. Just a part of being married.

So, will I leave Hubby based on the socks and clothes on the floor? Never. Will we argue about it. Of course, and frequently. And sometimes I will just leave the socks on the damn floor for awhile. What am I? The maid. Do you see a 'hello my name is Hazel" tag? No! But it is a part of the package. I am sure that he would complain about something I do, but I have no faults. Well, some, but you would have to read his blog for that.

By all means, I think a person should get out if they have tried absolutely everything. If there is no love, peace, or emotional security. But for the most part you should do whatever to make it work. I guess what I am saying is what Janet Jackson's character kept saying during the movie: "It will work, if you do the work". So, my friend, if this is what you really want, you have to find a way to do the work. I don't think things are ever perfect, but I do think it is worth the work.

Luv ya!