The Killer Instinct

This weekend hubby told me that I do not have the 'killer instinct'. For whatever reason, that really ticked me off. I always come from a place where I want to make everyone happy. If there is anything that I can do to keep from having an argument I will do it. Most times it means that I come out of pocket or that I get the shitty end of the stick, but if that keeps me from having to argue with you then so be it.

Hubby is not this way at all. Quite frankly, he can't even comprehend the idea!

This weekend was yet another argument with a family member. Even though my family lately has said some fool ass things to me, I have tried to keep my composure on the phone. Primarily, I do this because I do not want to complete sever the relationships and because there is just no need to me for that much drama.

Quite frankly, Hubby cannot comprehend this at all!


After replaying many voice mails this weekend with my Uncle shouting (and slurring) at the top of his lungs, I just got angry. I am fed up. I want this whole endeavor to be over with so that I can go back to my relatively peaceful existence. You see, this whole will thing has me baffled. I do not understand how YOU can be mad about something that was not YOURS to begin with, something you did not even work for. Anything that is left to you is not an ENTITLEMENT. It is a GIFT. A blessing, if you will. That said when Hubby listened to the messages he was LIVID. I, however, was hurt, but I guess I am becoming accustomed to my family treating me like I am not...well...family.

Hubby cannot comprehend this thought process at all.


So maybe I don't have the killer instinct. And in some regards I think that is a good thing. In this case, I believe that I am going to have to bear my fangs, but I really believe that not being the killer is not so bad at all. It means I have compassion for my fellow man. It means that I like to work through problems. It means I like to think things out. It means that if these folk keep fuckin' with me then I will have to ask Hubby to help me deal with it.


THAT he comprehends!