The Blacker The Berry...

I have not worked for the last few weeks and I must admit that I am enjoying not having anything to do. From previous experience, I know that this euphoric 'happy I am not working thing' will probably only last a few more weeks. My 'vacation' has also lead me to being really lax on blogging. Not that there hasn't been a lot to write about, but not a lot of free time to write.

What has been great is that I have had a lot of time to spend with Hubby and my friends. I have also had a lot of time to just sit and think about my feelings and what I want to do in the coming months. Which, in an odd way, leads to me writing today.

I was talking with Mommie earlier and we got on the subject of race and color. We have had this discussions many times. As a dark skinned girl in the South, this subject comes up a lot. I grew up with my great grandmother, who many times in her young life was able to pass for a white woman. She also taught me the second half of the saying "the blacker the berry, the sweeter the juice". (In case you didn't know it's "but if the berry's too black, it ain't no damn use") My grandmother (a papersack tan) married a blackbery man and yada, yada, yada along comes me...a dark skinned grandbaby. My mother spent a lot of time when I was a child letting me know that being dark was not the curse that most Black folk like to make it. In fact, my beauty contest winning mother always made sure I knew that black was indeed beautiful.

Oddly enough, about a week ago, me and the girls were sitting around the table at a friends house when her incredibly cute daughter asked if they could go outside and play the new badmitton game her Gram had just bought her. Of course, friend did not get up because she was talking with her girls and used the excuse that it was too hot outside and they would go later. Now you know this did not suffice babygirl. She asked again if she could go out and this time added the most adorable "PULEEEEZE". Mommy replied " You don't want to go out now. The sun is out real hot right now. You don't want to get black, do you?" Of course babygirl replied "No, Mommy."

My jaw dropped.

Crimes Legal was sitting next to me and just as I was looking at her she looked at me. Did she really say this? Do folk really still think it is bad to be too dark?

As a people, we have other things to worry about. Bigger problems than skin color. As a people, we need to embrace all the beautiful tones our people come in. I know my family has members that could still "pass" if we were in the 40's and people who are as dark as night. As I talked with Mommy today, we talked about how darker skin is OK for a man, but is usually not so good for a woman. If you look at most of the commercials that show a Black family, you will notice that the dad will usually be dark but mom and the kids are light skinned and light eyed. Now how the hell?

I talked to mommy about how the demons in my class would argue over skin color and weight and I wonder just where they got that from. For goodness sake they were only 6! Then I thought about how we as adults, not purposely, say things to our kids that give them impressions on what the perfect pretty is or what the right weight should be. We need to address how perfect each individual is.

Do I think my friend meant anything? Of course not. But I wonder how the little things we say and the things our girls see on TV affect what they think about themselves. Start telling your girls that they are special without adjectives. Tell them they are pretty, not that they are a 'pretty to be a darkskinned girl'. Stop telling them they will be fat. Show them better eating habits and let them know that not everyone is a size 4. OK, I know that I am not totally innocent. I know that I have said some things that I hope have not scarred step daughter or any of my neices and god daughters. As much as we speak to our girls about the color of their skin or their weight, let's equally talk about being educated, learning to make smart financial decisions, and talking care of themselves.


Let's create a generation of smart, confident (and OK pretty) women!