My Inner Ike...

I was talking with a friend of mine early this morning. He was on this side of the world for a family reunion and had thought of taking the 4 hour drive down from ATL to spend the day with me and Hubby. During our conversation this morning we got to talking about people and their behaviors. And for some reason, I just got angry. The more we talked about family and life and folk being ungrateful, the angrier I got. After the conversation ended, I found myself sitting in my office just mad!


I am angry that I no longer have a family. I have a bunch of folk that I am genetically related to. I seems not to have any conncections anymore. I am angry that I feel that we have sold each other out for what may end up being about $10K ( that they still have to pay taxes on!). I am angry that I don't feel welcomed in their homes and that I don't trust them anymore. I am angry that I feel alone.

Here's the thing...

The arguments are over money. Money that not one of us earned. This money should not stop anyone from their daily lives. It is not enough to change lives. It is almost as if the money is a payment for the acceptance of the loss of two people we all loved dearly. Taking that payment...arguing over compensation makes me angry!

Unless there are some drastic Dr. Phil moments coming in the next few months, nothing will EVER be the same. We are going to miss out on holidays and graduation and births and all the life that a family is supposed to share. All for about $10K (before taxes). Is is worth the anger and the fighting? No not hardly. But I am sure our need to right in this matter will supercede trying to get our family back together.


So now, I have to find a new family. I am sure this makes Hubby happpy because we will no longer need to fight about where we are spending the holidays. Hell, we only have one choice now. So this fall, as I sit at my new place at my new table not eating the foods that I have grown up loving, trying to fit in and remember the names of the new Aunts and Uncles and cousins, I will remember my family and probably get angry before they serve the mashed potatoes (and what self respecting Black family has mashed potatoes for THANKSGIVING!).


The whole thing just makes me so......ANGRY.