Legal Briefing...

(See, this is what I mean....just...just...LOOSE!!!)
Crimes Legal and I talk frequently. Most all of my girls and I do, sometimes I will talk to them 2 or three times a day. This does not include emails, text messages, and the occasional IM. In short I speak with them alot. Thank God for rollover minutes, unlimited nights and weekends and any long distance plan that let's me call anywhere and anytime. For the last couple days, I have talked with Ms. Crimes Legal about some really deep stuff. OK, so I am lying, It ain't deep at all, but it does give us a chuckle.

For example...

Crimes Legal, although a beautiful woman with a beautiful spirit, does not date much. She attends a big church back in my hometown that is full of what I (or so I though) suspected was eligible bachelors. I mean I have been there quite a few times and I have seen some good looking brothers walking around the collection plate. You can't beat a brother that is a good looking and loves the Lord. A Cutie for Christ. So anyway, I asked her why she did not date men at church and she said that she found out that most folk at church thought she was either married or seeing someone. I guess she gives off that vibes.

Well, anyway, I talked up some shit for her!!

A few days ago, she called to tell me that she actually had a date with someone from the church! From the sheer lack of exuberance in her voice, I asked her the obvious question : "Soooooo, what's wrong with him?" She laughed which let me know that there had to be something truly wrong with this brother.

"Well, he's about 14 years older than I am."

"Oh." I said trying to sound positive. "I guess that is not too bad." (OK in project years, unlike dog years, that negro could be her father. But you never know when a good man is gonna come around so you can't short yourself on options...)

" And he is a little loose."


"Aw, hell to the naw, Bobby!" And we both started to laugh, almost hysterically.

The funny thing is I knew EXACTLY what she was talking about. See, I have this thing for big men. Hubby is a big man. There is a comfort in a man that is over 6 feet tall and has some weight on him. Truth be told, I have had a crush on Suge Knight since I saw his face on the cover of Vibe. Big...masculine... yummy! Don't get me wrong...see there is a difference (a fine line if you will) between a big man and a fat man. Our conversation led to our new adjective for the big man: STURDY.

Yes, sir-eee, sturdy. A fine terminology for a brother that has some weight on him. It is not jiggly weight. Nothing should move independently. It is weight that he has carefully put on by eating his mamma's cooking. This brother is not a fan of the Ho-ho's or the king dongs. Twinkies are not his friend. What the hell is that cream filling anyway and how the HELL did they get it in there? This brother likes two starches on his plate. Yes, he WILL have a side of mac and cheese with his yellow rice and baked chicken. He eats big meals. Add some damn greens and cornbread to that plate, too. Y'all got some potato salad? Damn the Little Debbie! If there is some potato pie or pound cake available put a slice to the side. It is my personal opinion that men that eat all them snack cakes end up looking just like that...a bag of snacks!

Fat men have a wiggle problem. Their belly keeps moving long after they stop waking. There are some situations were the wiggle belly is just not attractive at all. OK in ALL situations the wiggle belly is not attractive. They even have a tendency to the dreaded man boobs! EWW! I just can't have my man with a D cup while my B cup is still no secret at Victoria's. Don't get it twisted, the sturdy man has a belly. That belly just doesn't keep working after he has stopped.

I think I am going to call Webster's and see if I can get 'sturdy' added to the dictionary in next years edition. Hell, if Beyonce can get bootylicious in, sturdy is a sure winner!!