Signs for the Ungodly....

So of course the last few days have been a bit much for me. I have been trying to get over the whole 'ungodly' incident. I have prayed to whatever god would hear me that something help me feel a little less ungodly.

Then it happened. Sometimes you don't see the sign until after you have passed it. Weird, but true.

I got a call on Tuesday from my father. That in itself does not sound strange, but you have to understand the background I have with this man. My parents were young when they had me. My father wanted to continue school and my mom decided that she would have her baby, but her grandparents would raise the child. Since they were older, I became a very young child with a very old soul. I was able to speak my mind and hold conversations with adults from about the age of 4. My mom was still around, my father was not. At least not until I was 10. He just popped up one day. I was playing at a friends house and he walked up and started talking to me. Since I did not know him and the madness he was speaking did not make sense, I left him standing in my neighbors yard and ran home to ask my momma and daddy, and to my surprise my mom (now why was she here) what the hell was going on. Yes, at 10 I said hell. Surprisingly, they were not shocked.

Anyway, this has lead to a long and often strained relationship with my father. No part of it has been perfect, but I see as I get older that we are very much alike. Straight forward, businesslike, imperfect. He is a great business man. Well educated. Knows and us surrounded by some really high profile people. You would never know it to see him. He is usually in jeans and a big t-shirt. Very understated, and very smart. We speak infrequently. So when I saw his number pop up on my caller-id I simply told my self I would call him back after class.

Then I heard the tone that signaled he left a message. Huh?!I started to worry if maybe something had happen to my grandmother in Jersey. Losing someone else at this time would be just too much.


I'll call him back after school.

Another pop up and another tone. One more pop up on the caller id. Something was up.

I listened to his message on my way to the car that afternoon. I had to keep from crying. "You are on my mind. You have been for days. I need to know if something is wrong. Please call me soon."
OK this is a big deal for him.

So I called and he said that he could hear that something was wrong in my voice. I told him the story of me and Auntie Dearest and he laughed. It was a deep, hearty, daddy laugh. I had never heard it before.

"Handle your business the way you know it is to be handled. Don't let anyone define your God for you. You are doing what is right and it will not please everyone. You know how your people can act." And he laughed again. For the first time in a while, I laughed too. I laughed what I hope is the more feminine version of his laugh.

After a little more conversation. He asked me if I was OK. "Yes, I am fine."
"Are you sure?" All I could say was that I did not quite know but I thought so. As we hung up I realized that he was that sign I had been looking for. I said a quiet 'thank you' to the God that I had been told I had no part in. It was my sign that he felt I was doing the right thing too. At least doing it as best I know how.
Sometimes even God gives signs to his ungodly children.

And I am thankful to both my fathers.