I'm sad today...

...and not just because it is Parent's Night and I will have to be here until all hours. And not just because I know at some point today someone is going to ask me another fool ass question. My mother called me last night and asked me if I would consider being the POA for my grandfather. This caught me off guard. He really does not need a POA (Power of Attorney) or so I thought.

Seems that a couple days ago he was put in the hospital. He is now in intensive care. Of course, this is major but it holds and extra level of sadness for me. According to Mommmie he is halucinating and calling out my grandmother as if she were in the room.

My grandmother died 6 months ago.

They were married 60 years. That is a lifetime...more than a lifetime. I know that if I lost my husband who I've only been married to 3 years, I wouldn't know just what to do. I can't imagine living your whole life with someone and then all of a suddent they are no longer around. I think his illness is more an overwhelming feeling of "alone".

All that said I have been thinking about him all night. After having lost my grandmother such a short time back, I really don't know how I would handle losing him, too. We are an odd family. We all look exactly alike to the point where I have been stopped in public places and asked if I was realted to...well, here you can insert any member of my family because I think I have been asked about them all. Being in Miami really makes me sad sometimes because most days I feel like I am away from everyone and everything that I know. More often than not I feel lost. My grandmother's house was a family meeting ground. Most Sunday's if you wanted to find someone in my family, we knew to just head over to Grandma's. We would eat and talk. And, since I come honest with my siliness, we would all just laugh. It's hard not doing that anymore.

It's just hard being here. Especially, during times. like this. I feel like my students on the first day of school. I want to go home.


So today, as I fight my demons and deal with my parents I will keep this bit of sadness in my heart.