A Love Like That...

I have been married for 3 years. Not a lot of time at all relatively speaking. My grandparents were married 60 years. A lifetime in any respect. Yesterday my grandfather died and no one will be able to tell anything different other than he died of a broken heart.


My grandmother died in January. The funeral was not sad because she was gone, it was sad because you could see the pain in his eyes. I remember that during her last few months, she fought to live. He was at her side at every moment. As a family, we were secretly angry that he would not let the doctors 'pull he plug' and let her go. It was quite a few weeks before I thought of how selfish it was of us to even ask him to make that choice. I think when he finally made the decision to pull the plug on her, he pulled it for himself too.

Eddie was 80 years old. To many, that would descibe an old man that was barely able to get around. He was unique. There is no other word for it. He wore his hair braided, drove a sportscar, had a legion of friends and was an avid bowler, a skill I surely do not possess. After my grandmother passed, I noticed that his once upright gait had become slow and his back bent more. He did not laugh like he used to, stayed in the house and did not care too much for company, which for the Cotton's was unheard of. The family threw a big party to celebrate his 80th birthday. He enjoyed himself, but we all knew something or rather someone was missing. I could see it in his eyes, and how he stood to the side of the group often and just stared. I guess when I think about it, I have been watching him slowly leave us for months.

Today, and for the rest of the week, I will be busy trying to console my aunts, uncles and Mommie. For them to loose both parents in such a short time is devastating.

Today and for the rest of the week, I will watch the roles in my family slowly change as my aunts and uncles and Mommie quickly become the new elders in my family.

Today and for the rest of the week, I will run around trying to handle business. This week I will start slowly becoming Mommie.

Today, I am still that little skinny girl that wants nothing more than to have her my grandparents back. I wonder if that makes me selfish? Deep in my heart I know that he is happy because they are together.

Today, they had to be together. It was impossible for them to be in two separate worlds. How many of us find a love like that?

It Takes A Damn THIEF!!!

You know, it is sad that people steal. It is sad-er (if that is a word) at WHAT people will steal.


For instance, I think I have described before that I am a wannabe diva. I have my diva-fab moments. I have this habit of carrying my 'personal' items in a special little bag. The reason I do this comes from a long time back...when I was in eight grade, my teacher felt the need to tell us all the facts of life. Since this was a small private school that only went to eight grade that she should make sure that we knew all about the 'outside' world before we left to most likely attend public high school. I remember how much we looked up to this woman. She was like our mom away from home. We were all very close to her. Her conversations about life were frank and honest. She held back NOTHING.


Yeah...I do have a point...just keep going...


Anyway this one day we saw Ms. McMillian walking around the classroom following these red dots. The woman was bent over at the waist, finger pointing, and every few steps you could hear her say " Now, what is this?" or "Where in the world is this coming from?". She followed the trail zig zag around the room until she came to the desk of a girl in my class. Remember, the woman did not sugar coat anything. She asked her "Girl, is this YOU?" Seems miss thing was on her period and did not go to the bathroom to change her situation. Ms. Mac was beyond furious.

She sent miss thing to the office to call her mom and started a conversation with all of us about being clean women. She had this conversation in front of the boys because she said that needed to always make sure they were with a clean woman, Poor sister downstairs did not know that from that day forward all of the boys in class looked at her as 'unclean'. Anyway, Ms. Mac also made a point to tell us that we should have our supplies with us at all times (just in case) and that we should make sure that we always carried our purse with us when we go to the restroom. Reason: if you only took your purse sometimes people would think AHA! She is on the rag (another term I learned from her that day).

So needless to say, I have always either carried my purse with me or had a nice little clutch that held all my supplies. My supply bag was Coach.

So the other day I called someone to hold my class so I would not leave a trail of my own and in my rush to get back to my demons, left my coach bag in the bathroom. About 10 minutes later, I went back to get it and it was GONE!

Ain't that a bitch? How a nigga stick me for my tampons!!!

I know that since it was a coach case that I will see it again. There will be a faculty meeting or something soon....they will forget they are supposed to hide it. I WILL NEVER FORGET!! When that day comes I am going to take my damn bag back and tell the culprit that they owe me 6 super plus and a 4 always with wings AND the new stay fresh wipe. BELIEVE THAT!!

Just Another Day...

My plan this week was to start anew. I put on a cute skirt set this morning and decided that I would forget all that has happened here at PS 3701 and beginning a new week with my kids. The day was starting of great. I just learned that the school is giving the teacher $250 to use in their classrooms. I have already made a list of the things I will get. By the end of the week my class will be overrun with crayons, pencils...The works. I will never have to ask these raggedy ass parents for anything. WHAT A GREAT DAY!!

AND THEN...

I have a new, new student in my class. The boy is goofy. Now Mr. Goofy has been in this room about a week, and for the most part he does good work. I should be able to deal with goofy if your work is ok. For whatever reason today, I can't even remember why, I asked him how old he was. He said 9.

NINE!!! Whatdaphuck!

I checked his attendace card and sure enough this child was born in 1997! So, off to the office I go to ask them why this child is still in first grade and on the upside, see what I can do to rid my class of one of the demons. "He was retained Ms. Green", was the response. "Well, hell, I can figure that part out!", I said. So after a lengthy back and forth it was determined that he was in first grade, failed, but in the second go 'round only showed up to school for the first 9 weeks. Folk here became outraged! "We will send the social workers to his home and see what happened!" Man, they possed up like Matt Dillion on Gunsmoke.


I just talked to the kid. I figured I would get the most honest answer from him.


The sad thing working here is that you never know just what is going on in these kids lives. Many of them have lived much more "life" than I have. They have experienced things that I have been blessed to have never had to undergo: homelessness, death, being hungry, or just someone who plain just does not want them. I even had one student last year that was "posing' for pictures for her mother's boyfriend. What scares me is how freely they can talk about it. It is is like talking to an adult. Then suddenly you really look at the person you are talking to and realize they are only 6...or in this case 9. After talking with Mr. Goofy I learned that he and his mom and siblings were kicked out of there home, and moved into a hotel. He became sick and since they did not have any money, he stayed at home (the hotel) with his mom. How sad not be able to take your child to the hospital when he is sick. My heart went out to his mother. I am sure that at some point, I am going to be hot, mad, and upset with her this year... but right now I think of all she had to go through last year. Maybe he is not so goofy after all...maybe he is just glad to be around some children. Maybe he is just happy to be in school. HMM?

Quickie 2

I am getting old QUICK. I feel it all in my bones. Anytime you have to make that 'OOOW' sound when you get up... you know something is wrong. Today, I am on a mission. I am going to hit my next decade strong. I got 3 years to get right. I need to look like Janet...or a reasonable facsimile of...I mean who am I kidding. LOL

Happy Birthday, Jassie!!

I love lazy Sundays. My favorite pastimes are usually spending time with hubby and friends and making them watch bad black people movies. I don't know why but I love these things. I buy them in bulk in the 3 for $11 bin at Wal-Mart. Back in the day, they called them Blaxploitation films, meaning just another way to exploit black folk and make them look like a fool. Those movies still exist, only now they usually star a C -level rapper or Vivica Fox. Most times, both.

This weekend was special. I spent it with hubby and my stepdaughter. She is turning 6 in 2 days and she is so excited about being a 'big girl'. I was excited for her. I asked her what she wanted to do this weekend and realized how much influence I have had over her in the last 3 1/2 years. She wanted me to take her shopping...she just 'had' to have some new clothes and some shoes to match (that is so me). She picked her outfit and a big pink bag (me, again). She said she needed to have a big bag like me (see?). She needed to carry all her 'personal things', which right now means some stickers, a snack, and a Barbie with a really bad hair cut. She also asked her dad for a Tiffany bracelet. Wonder where she got that from? (tee-hee)

It's weird. Most people don't have a great relationship with their stepkids. I am in love with this child and her brother, Tre. So, as I sat here today and painted her toes and her tiny fingers (pink, what other color is there?) I thought of how much I have enjoyed her being five. I will miss five. I will miss all her silliness. Her laughing loud and long. I will miss her climbing into bed with us in the middle of the night because, as she says, six year olds can sleep by themselves. I will miss her sounding out EV-ER-Y word she sees. Most of all, I will miss her climbing on the sofa with me on these lazy Sunday mornings to watch old movies. Usually, she just climbs under my blanket and falls back asleep, but I love her company anyway. OK, I am sure most of these things will not change with her turning six. At least not soon. But I am sure over the next few years many of them will stop and we will need to find new traditions. So, in that respect, I look forward to six, and seven and all the rest.

Even still, I will miss five.

Quickie...

There is this little boy in my class. His mother is quite over protective and annoying, but he is so cute, I try to look past his mom.

Anyway...today I looked at him from across the room and saw he had this big pimple on his cheek. I was thinking "DAYUMN how do you get acne at 6? That's some mess! So as I walked around the classroom, I came past his desk. I looked at his cheek and there it was...

A BIG AZZ BOOGER!! EWWWWWW!!!!

Ya know I just about died, right?

I QUIT!!!

Yesterday, during yet another meeting telling me all the things I need to change in my classroom, all the centers I had to create, all the things I needed to do with the kids and how many times a day I needed to do them....I packed my bags.

I literally took everything off my desk. Packed up the pictures of my husband, my stepkids, my goddaughter. Packed up my good flip flops that Ms. Crimes Legal got me for my birthday, and decided to call it quits. I looked around the room to make sure I had all the things that I really wanted to keep. The rest I would just leave for the new teacher or for my colleges. That's all for me. The funny thing is that only my good friend realized just what I was doing. She kept giving me the question face. I looked at her with the kool-aid grin.

After the meeting was over, I picked up my box and headed to the car. She asked me what I was thinking. I can only guess that she has never seen me this quiet. At some point during the meeting I had decided not to kill the messenger and to just keep my mouth closed. I told her that what I was really thinking: this job had become overwhelming and that I really could not figure out how to implement all the things they want us to do. Hell, I can't get my parents to take 10 minutes out of their day to buy pencils but I am supposed to be able to differential instruction on 3 different levels for 20 different kids in 2 hours each day. Not to mention work for an hour with 14 different students and yeah, change up the instructions based on individual needs and make worksheets and games and print out material. Oh yeah, and did I mention the school is out of paper? I have to buy my own. Damn this!! Too much. I'm out.

Hubby should be happy with this. He has wanted me to quit for a long time. This is a good decision. He will be proud! I drove home feeling confident like a mudda-phukka.

You know it didn't go quite that smooth, right?

He reminded me that I do this for the children. That to leave right now would make me a quitter. For a moment, I was cool with that. But what if the next person did not do all I try to do with them? He reminded me that God has a great sense of humor and the kid I abandon right now, will be the EXACT same kid that will have to change my diapers at the retirement home. DAYMN.

So I am back today. And I am trying not to let the day get to me. I am trying to do what I can with them and not let myself get overcome with self doubt. Just when I needed yet another sign, I ran into Cedric and his grandmother. This was his second day in school and she wanted to tell me just how much he enjoyed his first day. I will refer to Cedric as the Demon Tamer because my worst student became his best friend and a really good helper.

"Ms. Green, I am normal now" said Cedric the Demon Tamer. Quite profound words. Little did he know I had been feeling a little abnormal lately.

What I have learned from all this is that I have the 'flight' mechanism. When things or people become too "overwhelming" for me, I look for an excuse to leave or move or change something. In some respects that is a good thing. But there are times when I wonder what would have happened had I just had the guts to stick it out awhile.

I guess this will be one of those times that I stick it out awhile. I guess I am normal now, too.

The aliens have landed

Psst....don't tell NOBODY! Someone has taken the students from my classroom. I don't know who these kids are. There must have been some kinda alien abduction and I have clones of the children I used to have. I love the aliens. They have left me with really well behaved kids. Ok there are some exceptions. The aliens did not take the true demons. I guess there was just nothing they could do with Mr. Home School, and the Glue Eater. And there was NOTHING they could do with the Demon that Sits in the Back.

These new kids scare me...for example...today, I asked if the children individually if they needed to use the restroom before lunch. They answered " No, thank you" and "Yes, please". I will be the first to admit that shit threw me completely for a loop. I looked at one of my former demons and asked "Do I know you?" She answered, "Yes, Mrs. G. Are you OK?"

I like these clones....I hope they stay awhile. For all I care the old demons have been kidnapped by aliens. I bet they are giving the aliens a run for their money...or whatever aliens use.

These new aliens are smart too.

Today we are standing outside of the cafeteria. We had worked on nouns earlier this week and have displayed our work on the door. I took a second to talk to a teacher and when I looked up there was principal, all in the face of one of the kids. Aw Dayumn!!

So here we go:

Principal: So tell me what is a noun?

Alien: Um....it is a person, or a place. (close enough)

Alien2: It can be a thing, too.

Principal: So is a car a noun?

Alien: That's a thing so yeah.


By this time I am close enough to hear what she is saying. She looks up. I really did not want a conversation, but what the hell:

Me: Is everything ok?

Principal: Yes, I just walked by your door and saw the nouns quilt and I was just
wondering if they really knew what that meant.

Me: Oh really, now? (at this point I am not sure if I was to be insulted or what?)

Principal: I am amazed they really know. (BINGO, insulted)

Me: Yep, they are on the ball.


I am so proud of these new alien children. I hope they stay around.

I think she just likes to say really crazy things in order to get a reaction. One day I am going to give her a reaction that she just might not like.

Personal Theme Music..

My Partner in All Crimes Legal has a blog also . Her posting a couple days ago was about your "Personal Theme Song". Before I even pulled up her blog I tried to think of mine. Ironcially, it was the same as her's: "Take Me As I Am". That damn MJB song hits home for me everytime I hear it.

I think everyone has felt the way she sings about in that song. We've all be talked about, wrote about, lied about. We have friends, or folks that we think are friends, become jealous of us for reasons we just can't explain. When I listen to that song I think of all the things that Ihave gone through. Some things that I still go through. For whatever fool reason, folk think that I don't go through a lot. But heatbreak, regret, depression, sadness...all those things happen to everyone and as much as you may not like it, how you come through it makes you a better (or in some cases worse) YOU.

I know a lot of things that people have said about me that they don't know that I know. Those things hurt for a long time and affect how I treat them and others. For the most part, the Pisces in me tries to come up with the 'ways' and the 'whys'. I usually try to think of what was going on in their life at the time. Hubby says I think too much. Maybe what was said was just out of anger or jealousy or some type of pain in their own lives. I know I have been angery at or jealous of folk many times. And the funny part is, sometimes I was not sure why. The key to learning from all that is reflected in how I let that effect my life and my relationships with others. Do I let it make me bitter or angry or does it make me a stronger, wiser person?

So, I guess the words in the song are true:

Yes she's older now Yes she's wiser now Can't disguise her now, she don't need No one telling her what to do and say No one telling her who to be She's on solid ground She's been lost and found But she answers to G-O-D And she's confident this is not the end

Ask me how I know cause she is me

I Propose A New Holiday...

Last week was a really rough week for me. This weekend as I sat around and nursed both myself and hubby well from the sick, I thought about all the events of last week. I thought about the children, their parents, even the people I work along side. I thought about all the things that had me so riled up for the week. After I thought about it, I took some time to just exhale.

As a people, we have lost control of our children.

There is this saying that it takes a village to raise a child. The village is no more. The villagers have abandoned it. We are so consumed with ourselves that we have forgotten that we still need to look out for each other. We need to look out for each other's children. We put them off on any and everyone else. That person usually only does it for profit. I don't remember a lot of kids having to go to day care or summer camp when I was little. There was always a Mama or Grandma or Mu'dear. Oh yeah, and Big Momma, too!

I think back when I was a child. I was raised in village, so to speak. The village was between 6 and 13th streets and bordered by Kings Road and Myrtle Avenue. Sometimes we were allowed to cross that village line, but there always seemed to be someone in that other 'village' that was linked to your village. We got away with NOTHING (well, almost). There were universal rules that all children in every village knew to follow. My grandparents and great grand-parents knew someone on every block in what must have been a five mile radius of my house. They would report the village goings-on of me and my playmates. We were never lost. There was always an elder in the village to protect us. As children we had the freedom to explore everything, and guardians to make sure we got away with nothing! I knew that if I pulled some silly stunt 3 blocks down the road, that not only would I hear it from Mrs. Rodgers (all the kids called her Auntie), but that by the time I made it home before the streetlights came on (remember that?!) my grandparents would know also. Dayumn... and this was before the cell phone or 2 way. I remember my friend Jo-Jo and I got 2 billy beatdowns and 3 cussing outs one day on our way home from doing something we just SHOULD NOT have been doing (just how Auntie saw that, I will never know!) Doing something silly in my five mile world could result in multiple punishments. No parent got upset. They understood the needs of the village and did their best to raise the child. From those punishments I learned respect and responsibility. I also learned that it might not be so smart to pull the skinny branch from the tree for my 'whuppin'!

We have lost that. The village no longer takes care of the child. How sad!

I look at some of my students this morning, some that have come back to school this week with a new attitude (Miss Thing from last week...grandpa did something. It has been a good day!) and some that are still giving me issues (glue eater) and some that just are an all day affair (remember Mr. Home School?) and I think to myself what can we do now, that we did back then, that would help them?

I thought of the whippin's. HMMMMMM?

Naw, can't do that because then we would all be in jail. So I propose this: Tomorrow, let's have the first ever 1/2 day holiday. We can start around 10. As a people we need to work on that late thing, too. That will be another holiday. No, we can't beat up folks children, but you can SHAKE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!

Pant's sagging around the ass? SHAKE 'EM!!

Talking back? SHAKE 'EM!!

Taking all grown!! SHAKE THE SHIT OUT OF THEM!!


Now really you can't go around shaking folks children (unless it is your child then shake until their teeth rattle), but you can at least shake your head and say a quick prayer that somewhere that child gets the guidence that they need. Maybe you can even be that guide.

We need to get back in that village mindset. Quick.

Let's Get Ready to RUUUUUUMMMMBLE!

So today, I had to tussle with a 6 year old.

Ain't that some mess.

I am really upset about this thing. It was all over a pizza party that the child was not allowed to attend because of behavior. She just fell out on the classroom floor. What was funny was another child said. "Girl, you have gone crazy. Ms. Green has on her tennis shoes today."

See, my demons are learning to THINK!! I am so proud.

OK here we go. So.... some kids are eating pizza other kids are having a math lesson and Miss Thing is on the floor screaming 'no'. Well, more like "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"

I am looking at her like she is the little girl from The Exorcist. Any minute now she is gonna spit out pea soup. Since we are Black, it will be black eye pea soup...with hog maws.

After about 10 minutes of this I have had enough. So have the other kids in the class. I walk over to her and in my best teacher voice tell her to "get up, and calm down". She screams. Not a regular scream but this primal thing. Like she was Tarzan in the jungle calling for the elephants to come help her with the 'whiteman'. All I need was a damn vine in the room so she could swing over the rafters.

I decide to call her grandfather, who just so happens to work at a school pretty close by. I love this man. All he said was "Gimme 5 minutes". Miss Thing is none to happy about this and grabs me by the leg. I shake her off. Then she gets up and start to kick at me! OK, truly she is now lost her rabbit ass mind!

To keep her off me, I take her by her wrist. She is still writhing and shaking and kicking. The school secretary walks by and gives me this 'whatdaphuck' look. I ask her to get security and guess who come barreling down the hall.

Yep, Principal.

At this point I knew things were going downhill. She takes Miss Thing by the wrist and lets her fall to the floor. She lays there like a noodle. Then the conversations begins.

Principal: Is she upset about something?

Me: Uh, yeah.

Another one of those Fool-A questions. I am sure asking the obvious is a tactic that this woman has mastered. I am not really sure what this tactic is supposed to accomplish, but this woman is truly a pro. I explained the situation and principal started to walk around like she was helping with the lesson. "We should just ignore her". Another winning tactic.

Just then, her grandfather comes to the door. The funny part is that all I saw was his head peep in the door and Miss Thing fly out. 'Don't worry. I got this!'

SEE THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT!!

I thought that Principal would leave after this. But we start another conversation (sigh):

Principal: If you remember from psychology, children who have tantrums only want

your attention.

Me: Really?! (ya kidding, right)

Principal: So if we ignore the situation, she will just start to come around.

Me: Yep...but I think she probably laid there more because she was tired from kicking me all in the leg with those Buster Browns she's wearing. I will ignore her and the pain in my leg next time.

About 15 minutes later, grandpa and Miss Thing came back. Grandpa looked a bit winded. Miss Thing on the other hand had a WHOLE NEW ATTITUDE!

See, that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!!

Makes Me Wanna Holla!!

OK this morning I woke up hot, mad, and upset. I think it was sort of a delayed reaction from last night. That, and the fact that I think I am catching whatever 'ick' hubby has had for the last few days.

I can feel myself slowly losing steam...I will be sick by tonight. To combat that ill feeling I decided I would try a healthy breakfast...for me that was a Kashi bar and some kool-aid. Don't trip!1 The Kool-aid was sugar free. I needed the damn kool-aid because the Kashi bar had to be nothing more that dirt, rocks, and grass held together by some honey. I felt like a cow grazing this morning. And not one of those cute Chik-fil-a cows either.

Anyway....I am MAD!

Parent's Night was last night and I had a WHOPPING 4 parents show up. I would think that you would make it your business to come see what is going on with your child. Oh, but I forget. They are MY children. My bad. I happen to have a little girl in my class (the glue eater) whose brother I had last year. Her mom came in last night and she just started going off on me in front of the one other parent I had in the room last night. Yeah, so I am happy she showed up! Her son, one of the many same named children I had last year, was not the best and the brightest. He was ok and dim. Actually, the baby's bulb hit a short a while back. He was incredibly low...very low. He really should have been in kindergarten, but since he stood damn near to my shoulder that just was not happening. He is the most pleasant child I have ever met, however not the smartest. I guess being dumb and mean would just be an awful fate. God doesn't even have that kind of a sense of humor. This kid has a smile that just warms your heart. That smile and $1 will get him a cup of coffee someday.

So here is where the fun starts:

Fool Ass Parent: J isn't learning anything in that class. He should have been retained. Why
didn't you retain him? You knew he can't do second grade work.

Now you have to be a certain kind of professional and I wanted to be just that for my OTHER parent. I really thought this chicks locks were too tight and she had lost her fool mind saying some mess to me like that...especially in front of another parent.

Me: Well, remeber we talked about his progress last year. (See, still trying to be
polite and professioal. Good Girl)

FAP: Well, you should have know that he would not do well. Why didn't you have
him tested last year? (AW HELL NAW!!)

Me: You didn't want it. He had tutors and after school programs. You said he
would go to a program this summer.

FAP: But it was your job to make sure he was ready. (Oh no she didn't!)


Click...Game On!


Me: This is odd because I remember a lot of calls to you last year.
I did not even meet you until the end of the school year. Remember how you
said that you did not want him to be held back because it would just crush
him because your baby daddy had just got shot? Remember, I asked if he
needed some counciling so that I could arrange it with the school. Remeber
just how bad YOU wanted him to go on? Remember I told you I could not
find his papers and then relized that he did not know how to spell his name?
Oh, but your worked with him every night? Remember? Please. Get him
help. Stop blaming the teachers.

FAP: Well, you still should have gotten him tested. (Ain't that a bitch?)

Me: You need testing.


See, that's that bullshit right there!

So this morning the daughter comes to class. This baby is one glazed short of a dozen and needs all the help she can muster. She also cannot see. I am blind, but this baby beats me. She has worn her glasses to school all of 1 day. I guess if I were her I would not want to wear them either. They are thick. She can burn someone if she turns her head the wrong way on a sunny day. Today she came to school with the most beautiful Three Princesses backback...WITH NOT A DAMN THING IN IT!

I called her mom.

Me: Baby girl does not have anything in her bag and does not have her glasses.

FAP: OOH, Girl, I forgot to check her bag last night. (WHAT!!)

This is mess I am talking about. I see her at the retention meetings this year.

What Happens When Your Mind Wanders...

I'll tell you what happens...you think of some really weird stuff!

First off, tonight is Parent's Night. My school makes a really big deal of it, which I guess we should. You get to meet the folk who spawned the demons in your class. Nothing like finding out a child's demon lineage. Historically, I have not had a lot of parents attend Open House. And, I guess that is the reason why I tend to dread it coming. It just makes for a LONG day. We have to be here by 8:15 am and I probably won't get out of here until after 7. I may see 3 parents, and usually it is not the parents that I want to see. The parents of my good students will be here. Hell, I don't need to see them, I need to see the parents of my special babies and my Super Demons. Maybe those parents are just too embarassed. I guess I would be too.

Next on my mind is home schooling. Just don't jack your child up with this. If you are stupid you should not keep your child home just marinating in stupidty with you.

Case in point.

I had a parent tell me not too long ago that she felt she needed to home school her child because he was not getting enough attention in the classroom. Whadaphuck? I wanted to tell her that he got all my attention. Hell, I spent most of my day saying "Stop, boy"..."Quit, child". He gets more attention that the average child. And then I thought, "This chick really isn't too bright her damn self. If she homeschooled her fool child it would be like the dumb leading the stupid". I am scared!! Think about it. The fools that I am teaching now will be the people taking care of me when I am old! I can say this: when I am old if I see one of these nuts in the nursing home I will either 1) get on my hover round and get out of there as fast as I can (which in a Hover Round is a good 3 miles and hour) or 2) I will make sure to leave them an extra special mess in my Depends. Yeah, I think I am going with option 2.


Some of my old students came by my class today. It is amazing how much they have grown since first grade. I took a good look at them and I relized that they are all beautiful girls and they are all named after their dads. Now there isn't anything wrong with a baby daddy name, but you have to be careful. You really need to take a good look at yourself and your baby and make sure that your girl will be cute. You must be honest with yourself. For example, the girls I am talking about have the names Allanah (Allan), Kennisha (Kenneth), and Darryl ( her daddy's name is Darryl, I am sure you guessed that.... DUH!) they are just the cutest girls you ever want to meet. AND THEN...there is this baby in my class. I have talked about her before, she eats glue and is special. She too has a baby daddy name and it is so unique I am not going to put it here to protect the innocent as well as the guilty. This baby has a 50/50 chance of growing up to be a sewerwolf. That name is just not going to add to her popularity in high school. Watch what you name your children, people! Giving your goatmonkey a girlie name is not helping her situation!

Parents night is about to start in a bit. I need to go meditate.

I'm sad today...

...and not just because it is Parent's Night and I will have to be here until all hours. And not just because I know at some point today someone is going to ask me another fool ass question. My mother called me last night and asked me if I would consider being the POA for my grandfather. This caught me off guard. He really does not need a POA (Power of Attorney) or so I thought.

Seems that a couple days ago he was put in the hospital. He is now in intensive care. Of course, this is major but it holds and extra level of sadness for me. According to Mommmie he is halucinating and calling out my grandmother as if she were in the room.

My grandmother died 6 months ago.

They were married 60 years. That is a lifetime...more than a lifetime. I know that if I lost my husband who I've only been married to 3 years, I wouldn't know just what to do. I can't imagine living your whole life with someone and then all of a suddent they are no longer around. I think his illness is more an overwhelming feeling of "alone".

All that said I have been thinking about him all night. After having lost my grandmother such a short time back, I really don't know how I would handle losing him, too. We are an odd family. We all look exactly alike to the point where I have been stopped in public places and asked if I was realted to...well, here you can insert any member of my family because I think I have been asked about them all. Being in Miami really makes me sad sometimes because most days I feel like I am away from everyone and everything that I know. More often than not I feel lost. My grandmother's house was a family meeting ground. Most Sunday's if you wanted to find someone in my family, we knew to just head over to Grandma's. We would eat and talk. And, since I come honest with my siliness, we would all just laugh. It's hard not doing that anymore.

It's just hard being here. Especially, during times. like this. I feel like my students on the first day of school. I want to go home.


So today, as I fight my demons and deal with my parents I will keep this bit of sadness in my heart.

You know sometimes you just have to face the TRUTH!

...And my truth is that some, maybe most of the children in my class are 'Special' and not in that good Mr. Rogers kinda way. I have one little girl that I believe deep in my heart needs some special help. I mean hell, she eats glue. I have a couple kids who really aren't bad students they just act an ass at school. After meeting some of their parents, I realize that they got that way genetically. Again, two F people cannot produce and A child.

Since this is public school, I am unable to have the children pray and I am unable to lay hands on them (not in the spiritual way...). So I tell the children instead to send each other good thoughts. OK when they do this it still looks like they are praying for each other because they put their hands out almost like we do at church. Secrectly, I am saying a little prayer while they are doing this. God, Allah, Buddah, or any of the Latter Day Saints are completely welcome to come into my class and help me with these demons.


OH YEAH...

Remeber how I said folk here ask dumb ass questions? Well, today during my lunch break, I went home to see my sick hubby (he has a bad cold, you know men cannot function when they have a cold and I wanted to make sure those 2 shots of Nyquil I gave him before I left home had only put him to sleep for a few hours not permanently), had my students pictures developed for their Parent's Night project, and managed to grab a quick snack for lunch. In my rush to do all this I left my classroom keys on my desk and the door locked. I went to the office to get the spare key and since there was no one to watch my demons, I brought them with me.

The Principal was in the office (here's where it goes all to be damned).


I asked the secrectary if I could use the spare key. Then the following conversation happened. It cought me completely off guard:

Principal: Wow! What a great class!!

Kids: Thank you. (See, I teach the demons to be polite demons)

Principal: Are you locked out?

Me: (sigh) I sure am.

Principal: Do you have a key?

Now really, what kinda fool ass question is this? What am I suppsed to say? Of course I have a key! I have been going into the same room every morning for the last 3 years. Unless I have superpowers and I can beam myself in the room each morning I have a key. Maybe from my lack of lunch break I have lost enough weight to where I can just slide under the damn door each morning! I started scratching my shoulder because I did not want to tell her what was on my mind: "No, I don't have a key. I usually open the door with my overgrown big toenail, but since I got that pedicure this weekend, I just have not had the toe power I usually do." The people in the office were unusually quiet during this exchange. I am sure they were waiting to see just what I would say. I got the key, shook my head and left, demons in tow.

This place is crazy.

This is Nutsz...

My thinking is WAY different from the average person's. Let me clarify that...I think it is different from the average MAN. My husband tells me all the time that I overthink everything. This week, I have determined that he just might be right. Most shit that I over think isn't even my damn business.


Case in point...


I have spent a good part of the week talking with a really good friend of mine. He and I have known each other for some time and I think we are really close. We have that brother/sister type thing that most folk don't understand and sometimes try to insinuate is more physical. He and the hubby get along which is great and because he needed some 'Me Time" a la Heather Headley, he came to visit us for the week. This is cool. I felt he needed to get some things off his chest and I am sure he did also. Anyway, during this visit he had this ephany that he really wanted to get his family back and had made the decision that he would work hard to get his wife and children back in his life. After a long military marriage, they had called it quits. I am guessing from too much time away from each other.

Anyway, as I sat and listened to him, I was happy that he had finaly set his sights on what he wanted. He had gone through a couple of relationships since his divorce that made me really wonder just what was going on in his head. This new outlook was a breath of fresh air.

AND THEN...

As our time went on, I noticed that he was still really flirtatious and had even spent time with a friend of ours that looked a little more than friendly. It made me think...I had a ridiculously long relationship with a man that I just knew I would marry and spend my life with. We broke up over some foolishness and I spend quite a bit of time sobbing over the end of our relationship. I did the usual woman stuff: stopped eating, couldn't get out of bed...in short after about a week or three of this I looked like a crackhead. A Diva crackhead, but a crackhead nonetheless! Then I decided I wanted him back. And, for awhile, I was DETERMINED to get him back. Now when I was at that point the Y was closed down. I was not feeling anyone else. I had myself aimed at just that one person. I did not see this in my friend and for some reason it made me mad. Why? Not quite sure, but I think I began thinking if this person can say how much they love someone and it seem so wholehearted, but they are still looking for a Jody Watley new love anyway, how serious can they be about want someone back so badly?

Then I thoought of my husband. He is a true romantic. He tells me he loves me often. When he is not with me, is he out romancting the stone with someone else? Does she think he loves her as much as I think he loves me? So I went to the source. Hubby. He told me that men think differently than women and although our buddy wants his wife back, that does not mean that he does not have desires and urges in the meantime. OK...makes sense. So I thought about that thing somemore and...

Hell, that mess did not make a lick of sense to me!!So I asked friend and low and behold he gave the SAME answer.

So maybe men do think like that. They have the ability to let their feeling be split in two. AMAZING!

I guess everyone has their own way of protecting their heart. Men and women are truly Mar and Venus. I am still confused and still thinking this thing through.

I Love My Husband Though, FOR REAL

My husband, though he hates to admit it, gets this far away look when he sees Halle Berry or Beyonce. I really do not take offense to it because 1) he is a man and men look and 2) hell, if I could look like Halle or Beyonce I would. But just to keep the playing fields fair, I have my own play-play baby daddy. Reggie Bush has to be the finest thing that has come out of USC since....well, since EVER. I understand that he dates Nia Long who is roughly my age and that only adds to my daydream. He likes older women...hell, I am an older woman.

I'm in there!!

Lord, thanks for the sign...

My partner in all crimes legal tells me that sometimes God sends you a sign when you really need it. She sometimes has this Erykah Badu kinda spirituality going and sometimes I listen. Today, I realized that this is true. It must be, because I was on my way out the door this morning. I had planned on just how many ways I was gonna tell these folk to kiss my Black Ass as I walked up out this camp. I had even considered learning how to say it in Japanese just because I thought it would have a kick to it.

So this morning I am called into the AP's office. As I walked over there I immediately began doing what I always do when she called me over: trying to figure out just what I did that would get me fired.

This time was different. There was a table full of people with papers all looking really serious. AW DAYUMN!! I have done some stuff this time. I just new I was out the door. Then I realized that I did not know the child sitting at the end of the table. "OK...this is good." I thought, because you just can't get in trouble over a child you don't know.

Turns out I am getting a new student. This child is special. He is 6 years old and have never attended school before. The reason is because they never thought he would live to be six. Cedric has been in the hospital since he was a baby and has had 5 organs transplanted. FIVE!! Can you even imagine being that young and going through all that. He has always had a feeding tube. He had to go to therapy to learn how to chew and swallow. Can you imagine?!! He still wears a backpack that connects to a tube in his stomach so that he can eat. He has to have a nurse with him at all times. And he is only allowed school for 3 hours a day. And he WANTS TO COME.
So, I got to thinking...all the things that bother me really aren't all that serious. Think of how strong this child is. At this age he has beaten the odds. He should not even be alive and he wants to come to learn and be with other children. He was so excited about starting school. I took him on a little tour of the school and the class so that he could get out of that stuffy room for a bit. He told me all about being at home and being in the hospital and how he could not wait to get started. When we went to my class to meet the other kids, he squeezed me hand. HARD!! I never thought about how frightened he must be. Even with the fright, he wanted to start today. When I told him he could not start until next week, his face softened. "I'll see you then and I'll be ready."

So I guess I need to be ready,too.

OK Here's an Idea....

Stop irritating your child's teacher with dumb shit and buy your child some dayumn school supplies!!
It never cease to amaze me how shallow people are when it comes to their child's education. To be fair it is not everyone, but it seems to be a skewed amount of parents at my school. Of course we have those that are involved and make sure that everything is completed. But then we have those that just don't give a damn or give a damn about the wrong thing.

For example, this morning I had a parent come to the door about 10 minutes late for school. This is nothing new because he is 10 minutes late each morning. Each morning I send him to the office for a tardy slip. It has become routine. This morning his habitually 10 minute late mother tells me in an abrupt voice (and I am changing the name to protect the guilty and the innocent) "When J goes to the cafeteria, you need to let him wear his sweater." Now, I never tell my kids when or when not to wear a sweater because I know at times that it cold in the class. Me, being the queen of cold, always have a sweater or jacket. Anyway, I explained that he can wear his sweater anytime he wants to.

Now read the previous post. Parents here already know the answer, their idea is to try to catch you in a lie. She says, when you guys were at the full service yesterday he did not have a sweater. I corrected her: "yes he did". As a matter of fact I had to tell him several times to stop playing with it while they were in line. "Oh" she said. Then she went on: " well you had them out in the rain". A Diva such as myself would never be out in the rain on purpose. Not to mention I had on my cute Gucci loafers. It is just not like me to be all up out in the elements like that. Just why would I do a fool thing like that? We happened to be at the nurses' office on the other side of the school and it started to rain as we were walking back. But when little J got home, the story must have switched. Then she gives me this speech about him getting sick each time he is wet and she has to get off work.

WHATEVER CHICA!!

See it is foolishness just like this that make me wanna quit this camp on a daily basis.

Anyway, after she left, we start on a class project and I realize that most of my students do not have the supplies they need to complete the project. Here it is the FIFTH week of school and you are still sending your kids to school with an empty, albeit new, backpack. I just got furious. It amazes me that as a people we are worried so much about how our children are dressed and almost nothing about their education. I know sometimes you have to LOOK the part, but damn sometimes you have to KNOW the damn part too. So I gave each of my students EVERY supply they need. So yeah...I had to come out of pocket which puts a damn debt in the Diva Maintenance Fund. But here's the thing..why should I have to be responsible for YOUR child? As a parent I would think that you would WANT to make sure they had all they need...that they were prepared, especially if YOU are not prepared. Mind you, most of my kids come to school in uniform, but they have on the latest kicks. Some of the parents even REFUSE to have their child in uniform because they say that it cramps their children's style. So they are GQ, just with no pencil or paper. I refuse to buy anything else. Once they run out of what I gave them, if their parents don't restock....they will just fail the assignments. Maybe that will get someone to come in an help.

What a Great Weekend!

I had a GREAT weekend. Weekends to me are great when you spend them with people you love and with company that keeps you laughing. I get tired of drama. My week is so stressful that I when I have time away, I just like to sit and think and rest and above all....LAUGH.

This weekend was just perfect. We started off the weekend eating a what is becoming one of my favorite resturants. Actually, I really go to this place for the dessert: toasted poundcake! How can you go wrong with something as perfect as warm toasty cake with homemade ice cream? DEE-Lish! We spent the rest of the weekend with friends from out of town just laughing and having a really great time. Of course, my partner in crime was with me all the way! Jess is becoming the resident photographer of the group. Her website has all the pics!

We went to the Southern/BCC game this weekend and were big timing it in one of the box seats. To me, this was a once in a lifetime experience because when will I get to be ina box seat again. This was no time for my usual jeans and t-shirt. Oh no!1 Me and Jess glammed it up in our best shoes. I am glad we had the good seats because it was quite the walk from the car to get there. LOL. So much happened this weekend, I just don't know where to start or just want to leave out. It was just a good relaxing time.


Then I had to come back to work. DAYUMN!!