The Perfect Role Model

(If this is Today's Black Woman, we are all screwed)



My people are AMAZING!!

Crimes Legal and I once talked about creating a blog called "Black Caucus". On this site we would discuss things that we as a people need to sit down, talk out, and do better about. Black folk have a lot of things to "do better" about.

We find as many things as possible to separate us as a people. We separate by skin, hair style, weight, socioeconomic levels, education...just anything we can come up with that will try to make us seem better than our fellow man. My Black Caucus issue of today is who we choose as role models.

When I first heard about Karrine Steffans it was all about the hype of her first book "Confessions of a Video Vixen". I will admit that being the gossip junkie that I am, I read the book with fervor. Soon after she was on the talk show circuit, of course promoting her book. I thought she was a beautiful well spoken woman, and what she had to say was so necessary.

She said...and on Oprah no less (gasp!!)...that she wrote this book to tell girls about the bad side of being a video model and how that road could lead to you losing yourself. She told graphic stories in her book about all the men she had slept with and how she ended up doing adult videos and anything else to make a buck. Her impassioned interview on Oprah told of how this life was behind her and how she was changing her life for her and her son. It was beautiful...I think I may have shed a tear (OK, not really).

I remember thinking WOW this chick has turned her life around. I really hope that some girl sees this or reads the book and know that she can change after leading and living such a hard life. What a great role model.Now I know how stupid that thought was.

Well, all that dick sucking must have gone to her head (no pun intended) and to the rest of the media also. She has another tell all book and she is on the cover of most every magazine, on radio show and any other type of interview being as vulgar as she can be. I heard her on the Jamie Fox Show and I was just amazed at what was coming out of her mouth. And Black folk are looking at her as a role model. RIDICULOUS! I have read a couple articles where she is saying that she is just a normal girl...but a few pages later there she is with her butt poked out with a new video, or with almost nothing on on the cover of a men's magazine. All this and you get mad when someone refers to you as Superhead...the name you copyrighted for yourself!!! GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE!

This woman has a son and I wonder how he is going to feel about woman when he grows up? What can she tell him? When your mama is known for being the best dick sucker in the free world, just what can she say to you to make you respect women? But here she is on the cover of a magazine...telling us how she is just a regular girl.

So here's a thought: Be your own damn child's role model. Stop looking for someone else. No one should be better than you to show your child how to make it in this world. There is no one better than a mom to show a daughter how to be a strong successful woman and carry herself like a lady. There is no more perfect example of being a man than a father that is there and guides his son. The folk that we are choosing (or that the media is choosing for us, hmmm??, that's a thought) are just not what we want our kids to grown up and become.

I am going to start working to day make sure I am a role model for my kids!!

(God forbid it is Superhead..yeah chick, I said it)

Why Did I Get Married?

Today was the second time I have seen the movie "Why Did I Get Married". The first time was with another married couple and today was with a friend of mine who had not seen it, but did not want to go alone. Since there are few movies that show Black folk as real people (not just pimps, 'ho's, and crackheads), I had no problem sitting through a second showing.

This time as I watched I thought of a friend that is going through some marital problems and I really took a minute to think about just why we get married. More often than not I think we do it for security, or because we feel our clock is starting to tick a bit too loudly. I think we are looking for some specific need and sometimes someone comes along at exactly the right moment to fill that need. I think there are many times that we are trying so hard to fill that need that we miss out on some of that person. What I mean is we miss some of the common sense everyday things that we need to know about a person that will make the marriage run smoothly. Doesn't mean we don't love the person, just means that we missed some things.

Mind you...these are just everyday things.

For example, Hubby does not pick up anything. I can pretty much tell you where he has been in the house by the stream of lights that he leaves on in the morning. We have talked about how much this irks the hell out of me. And quite frankly, it really is nothing new. When we dated he did this same thing, though I swear not as much, and I picked up and kept moving without it being a problem at all. I loved him, he was my boo. Still is.

Now Boo leaving his stuff all over is just boo-boo!

There have been many discussions about it, a few fights and though it has changed some it has not changed completely. I still follow behind and pick up and flick off lights in the morning. In the grand scheme of things it could be much worse. He could be the kind of husband that is not here in the morning, or is turning on the lights somewhere else. It has become one of those strange things in our marriage that is just something that we (and by we I mean I) accept. For example, my grandmother never fed my grandfather from a paper plate based on a (ahem) conversation they had many years before. Just a part of being married.

So, will I leave Hubby based on the socks and clothes on the floor? Never. Will we argue about it. Of course, and frequently. And sometimes I will just leave the socks on the damn floor for awhile. What am I? The maid. Do you see a 'hello my name is Hazel" tag? No! But it is a part of the package. I am sure that he would complain about something I do, but I have no faults. Well, some, but you would have to read his blog for that.

By all means, I think a person should get out if they have tried absolutely everything. If there is no love, peace, or emotional security. But for the most part you should do whatever to make it work. I guess what I am saying is what Janet Jackson's character kept saying during the movie: "It will work, if you do the work". So, my friend, if this is what you really want, you have to find a way to do the work. I don't think things are ever perfect, but I do think it is worth the work.

Luv ya!

Doctor Jassi

For whatever reason this weekend I had the worst stomach ache. I was hardly able to stand up. It happened suddenly as most illnesses do with me. I remember my best teacher friend was always amazed at how I could be perfectly well in the morning, and by lunchtime, have lost my voice, have a runny nose and a fever. I always called it the demon flew because I knew those kids came from home super contagious.

Well, this time Jassi was here to make sure I was all better. I don't know how much she really helped the situation, but it was truly funny to see her worry about me like she does her dolls when they are 'sick'. Her diagnosis process was just funny:

J : I need to tell you how to feel better.

Me: Huh?

J: I need to tell you how to feel better. Let me do the test.

Me: The test?

J: Yep!

Me: Will it hurt?

J : Maybe. I don't think so.

Me: Will you leave me alone and let me go to sleep after?

J : I promise.

Me: Hurry.

She put her hand on my head to check my temperature and then walked three feet away from me and put up two finger and asked me "how many?". I answered. She put her hand under her chin said "hmmmm" and told me I needed to get some sleep.

Go figure.

EXACTLY 15 MINUTES AFTER I FELL ASLEEP I feel these two eyes staring at me. I open one eye and there is Doctor Jassi.

J : I have the answers to your test.

Me: Then can I go to sleep?

J : Sure!

Me: Hurry.

J: You have a tummy ache and you need to sleep for awhile. I will wake you when Hannah Montana come on.

Me: Okay, Jassi.


This child has a future with an HMO.

Ain't this A Bitch!!!

I am angry today....actually I am mad. When I was little, my grandmother used to say that only dogs get mad, people have emotions and get angry. We were always taught to control our emotions.

Well, I guess I am a female dog...a bitch, per say, because today I am mad.

It amazes me that people can masquerade as your friend for years and they are consistently stabbing you in your back. I have (or at this point, had) a friend that I have just (within the last 24 hours, mind you) found out that one of her main hobbies is lying to folk and then lying to her family and other friends to cover it up. I am find out that her latest lies have been about me. Ain't that a bitch?

Last night I was a dog...a bitch I say...because Goddamn it, I was mad!

I come from a family of women who, although we can be quite proper and bougie, can cuss like sailors. My dear old proper Southern cussing grandmother once told me that sometimes you have to speak to people in a language that will make them listen to you or that you know they understand. So here goes...


This bitch has the audacity to tell folk that I am not paying my mortgage on a house that her fuck ass is renting. Now, she declined to tell her mom, dad, baby daddies (yeah I mean DADDIES, plural) and sister that it really is her bitch ass that not paying rent. Since the house is mine, I have been paying the mortgage each month, in essence, paying this simple bitches rent. Ain't that a bitch? I guess when you try to help a fuck bitch out you get just that...FUCKED.

I am not a fighter. I have never been able to fight and those that have known me for some time know this. I am not one to throw blows. Quite frankly, I only weight 130 pounds on this 5'9 frame so my punch would not really pack too much of a wallop. I admit I can't fight. I cut bitches. I catch their asses off guard and I cut bitches. Last night, Hubby remanded me to my car because he knew I was about to sneak and cut a bitch.

When I take a moment to stop and think about this shit, I realize that I am not really mad, I am more hurt. For years I have thought that this girl was a pathological liar (OK here's an idea...let's call her Patty) but I have always chosen to believe her because she was my girl. Even when things just did not make sense, I was still on her side. Come to find out Patty has been lying about EVERY THING. This fuck bitch even had the nerve to tell me that he father had cancer and was taking chemo and her mom had to quit to take care of him. All a lie!! And get this, even after her mother, sister, and even her DAD confirm that the man is not sick, she sticks with the story that he is. What the fuck!?


WHO THE HELL LIES ON THE HEALTH OF THEIR PARENTS!

Ill tell ya who..THIS simple Bitch! She even goes as far as to write a bad check off her mother's account! What kinda of Bitch does this...oh yeah...a Simple Bitch!


I am just mad...I can't seem to get past it and I think I am going to have to take some time to myself and get back on track. I feel mad, hurt, betrayed...all that shit rolled up in one and right now, I really do not know what I am going to do about it. Know your friends folk...simple bitches will creep into your life and you will not know it until it is TOO late.


I'm going to get a damn drink...

When Black Women Attack!
by Shayla V. McClellon
Listen I know as soon as you read the title of this article you will try to hold back a belly laugh, because you know exactly where I’m going with this.

I also know that when a black woman attacks it can be a beautiful thing or a very ugly thing to see. And mind you, once you see it you will never forget it. Now where shall we begin? I say with our love relationships, on an average, every love relationship, no matter what the criteria, has their moment of confrontation. You know how we women are; we will let you men hang yourself and then look at you like you’ve been dipped in stupid once the truth finally is revealed.

Sometimes we will even help you hang yourself; for instance, I knew this person who thought her boyfriend was cheating on her but she wasn’t sure, until opportunity came knocking her way. They shared an apartment together and one-day she was cleaning the family room and saw an instant message on the computer screen. Realizing it was from another female in reference to her boyfriend, she became furious but instead of screaming and shouting to get her frustrations across, she decided to do something else.

Like me, she will wait to reap her revenge. She’ll let it simmer and marinate and just when you least expect it, will then attack. So what she proceeded to do was write down the screen name and changed it slightly. When the time was right she pretended she was the female using the new screen name. One night she instant messaged her boyfriend by using her laptop computer as she sat in their bedroom knowing he was on the internet in the opposite room. He began telling her things like he missed her and so on and so forth, not knowing it was she he was talking to. Well she got the information she needed before telling him it was she in the other room. He couldn’t lie about it because she had the evidence right on her screen.

Yes, we can be just as devious as a Joan Collins, Erika Cain, or Angela Bassett in Waiting to Exhale. I do think all of society knows when a black woman attacks it ain’t no joke. Especially if you mess with our children, we will eat you up and spit you out. I have to say, if we love you we will protect you, do or die.

I chuckle at something my family did once well maybe more than once. You see we consist of seven girls and one boy. At a family function one-day, a bunch of sisters and a sister-in-law got into a car and went over to my mother’s apartment. Living in a gated community we had to buzz her once we arrived. So as the carload of sisters and one sister-in-law pulled up to the gate a woman in her car, who was not of color was chatting with someone leaving the apartment. She was blocking the entranceway so we couldn’t enter. One of my sisters asked if she could move out of the way. No response from the lady -- she ignored us and continued to chat. We blew the horn and in return, she used a particular finger to express her intolerance.

And as if we were on cue, all the car doors flew open and each sister exited their car. My sister-in-law, who hasn’t been around the family long enough to see that side of us, stared in awe, as we were ready to become a small gang of destruction. Of course seeing that she was out numbered, the woman immediately moved her car.

Now back to our children, being sensitive to any person that someone is abusing tends to wears my patience thin, but here is where I draw the line! When you would have the audacity to use a small child as your sexual prey. The mistake of the day would be that I would happen to be the one approaching you while you’re in the act! Oh girl let me tell you, Jeffery Dalmer would not have anything on me. Can you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth? When black women attack, kill, beat, and bury, what other adjective can I think of? Now here is my disclaimer; I do not recommend any of the responses in this article to any of our readers. Please Don’t Get It Twisted Baby!

How Does God Get Your Attention?

This weekend Hubby and I went to a beautiful wedding held in North Carolina. Usually when Hubby and I go to a hotel we will take a morning and have breakfast in our room and watch a movie. This time I got to pick the movie. I have wanted to watch Evan Almighty for some time. The story is about a well respected man who is elected to Congress. He drives a Hummer, has a huge house, and a family of 3 boys he never sees. His wife wants him to spend more time with the family, and because of work, he end up spending less and less time with them.

Then one day he meets God. I love the "Almighty" movies. Morgan Freeman to me is a perfect choice to play God. For one he reminds me of my grandfather (sans the locks) and he just seems so calm and cool, as I would expect God to be.

Anyway, God asks Evan to build and ark. He is reluctant at first, but God makes it impossible for him to refuse. Poor Evan has animals following him, grows an uncontrollable beard, and begins to look just like Noah. Of course in the process he wins the respect of his family and co-workers.

Here's my question: What does God have to do for us to believe?

During the movie, I kept thinking about this question. Think about it: the man is building an ark, he is being followed by animals two by two...he is growing the beard..but there was no one around him that believed him. Matter of fact, he did not believe it himself and it was happening to him. God did all the things that should have made people (and Evan for that matter) believe but they thought of every reason not too. I mean how often do you have zebras and elephants in your back yard?

For most of the movie Evan fought the impossible. He knew what was expected of him, but chose to fight against it, even though the proof was right in front of him. I guess we have to look at all God has put in front of us and believe in what he wants us to do.

Or end up with a yard full of apes and alligators? LOL!

Dumb Question of the Day...

Ladies and Gentlemen...we have a national emergency. No, not the war or another missing person. No...Bambi is missing. He is being held along with Thumper, Snow White and Cinderella in the Disney Vault!


Where the hell is the Disney Vault?

And why the hell do they hold those damn movies hostage? Today I was watching TV and saw that the Jungle Book is coming back out of the vault in FIVE DAYS!! They really made it seem as if people would be lined up around their local Wal-Mart just waiting for the newly remastered movie to come out on the shelves.

And hey, didn't they just remaster that movie a few months ago?


Just leave the damn movies out of the vault!! If people want to buy any of the Disney movies they will.

FREE BAMBI!!

How does O'Reilly Factor...

Since Shari Sheppard and Whoopi Goldberg have joined the view I am becoming an avid watcher. Actually, I really only like to listen to their views (no pun intended) on the topics of the day. I was so shocked about this morning's subject that I got on the Internet to see if I could find out more.

It is amazing that in this day and age we are seeing so much racism. The whole situation with the Jena 6, Imus, and now O'Reilly. It troubles me to think that their are people who are SURPRISED or AMAZED that Black people could be civil in public, or own their own businesses, or even just order and eat a meal without making a complete ass of themselves.

What upsets me more is that if this prominent person is saying this...what is the average everyday person thinking...or maybe even saying...behind closed doors.


O'Reilly amazed by civility in Harlem restaurant
09.22.07 -- 10:29AMBy Steve Benen
At a minimum, I can't help but think Bill O'Reilly needs to get out more. He explained the other day, on the air, that he and Al Sharpton had dinner together in Harlem, and O'Reilly was amazed by what he found. Regrettably, he wasn't talking about the food.

"[W]e went to Sylvia's, a very famous restaurant in Harlem. I had a great time, and all the people up there are tremendously respectful. They all watch The Factor. You know, when Sharpton and I walked in, it was like a big commotion and everything, but everybody was very nice.

"And I couldn't get over the fact that there was no difference between Sylvia's restaurant and any other restaurant in New York City. I mean, it was exactly the same, even though it's run by blacks, primarily black patronship."


On the same program, O'Reilly was describing his experience to NPR's Juan Williams. "There wasn't one person in Sylvia's who was screaming, 'M-Fer, I want more iced tea,'" O'Reilly said, adding, "You know, I mean, everybody was -- it was like going into an Italian restaurant in an all-white suburb in the sense of people were sitting there, and they were ordering and having fun. And there wasn't any kind of craziness at all."

It might not have been quite so offensive if O'Reilly didn't sound so surprised

This Time Last Year...

At almost exactly this time last year, I was standing outside of my grandparents house wondering how it had all come to this so fast. I was holding hands with Hubby and with some neighbor that I don't remember. I remember thinking that it was a little cooler today than it had been for most of the week. Auntie Dearest's husband was saying a prayer and I remember thinking that his voice was so commanding that the Lord and I am sure several of the Latter Day Saints had surely stopped to listen. I wondered what was happening in my classroom. If DemonSlayer was giving the sub a hard time and if I had left enough work to take them through the day.

I remember peeking one eye open during the prayer and looking around at my two Aunts and my Uncle and Mommie. I wondered just how long they could make it going through this same experience not ten months from burying their mother. I looked at my sister and nieces and nephews and could not fathom being in their shoes...they had recently lost two other grandparents in less than a month.

I remember declining to get into one of the family cars and opting to get into my own with Hubby and listening to jazz on some satellite radio station. I remember all the rest...the ride to the church and the sermon by the minister that was my grandfather's running buddy as a youth. I wonder of preaching this sermon made him think at all of his own mortality.

What I could have never peeked up and thought of was how this day would completely change my life up until this very moment the following year.

The lost of my grandfather let me say some folk for who they really are, and let me learn about how vulnerable I can be...and for that matter how strong I can be also. I have learned that the family that you are born into is just that...what you are born into, with all the DNA links and family traits. I have learned that just because you look alike does not mean that you think alike and that sometimes things are just your cross to bear and your duty to uphold.

Change creates character.

I am not going to call anyone on that DNA list today. I am not going to use the day to try to recoup some family. Today I am going to meditate and pray on what we were, and what we may be again and on what I can do to celebrate the life of two people that I have lost and loved dearly. Do you stop loving people after they die? From personal experience I can say no.

This time last year, for better of for worse has changed me into a completely different person this time this year.

A Lot To Think About...

This weekend was fun and extra special. Crimes Legal made the decision to go back and get her BA about a year ago. This Saturday, she walked across the stage with all her family and her girls shouting loudly and cheering her on.

It is a great feeling to finally accomplish something that you really want to do. During the ceremony, I could not help but remeber when I walked across that stage. I could not decide whether I wanted to cry, laugh or jump for joy! As I sat there I thought of all the other things in life I want to do and I started wondering...just why have I not gotten started? What the hell is the hold up?


I got a lot to think about.

Things I am Learning About Life...

It has been awhile since I have written anything. This morning is special though. It is quiet in my house (except for the sound of my washing machine) and I am in my own little spot, catching up on emails and watching as it is both rainy and sun shiny (ok that is not a real term) out of my office/spare bedroom. I have been thinking a lot lately about how life changes and if we are ever truly happy.

I moved to Miami in search of happiness. I found someone who loved me, and I wanted to make a change. Make some new friends, live in a new place. Now when I got to Miami it just was not the spot for me. Too crowded, too hot, it is just one of those spots one should visit for the parties on the weekend but never, EVER live there. Once I got back up North, I realized that a lot of what I wanted to do I did. I just never acknowledged it because I was so busy wanting to get back to my old life. When I look back on it, I was more happy than not.

I think that people, at least me, are always looking to be happy and in looking you miss out on what is happening right in front of you. Good things are not necessarily where you are it's what you are doing, and a good amount of time who you are doing it with.

So that said, going into this 3?th year, I am going to stop worrying about the next thing and do the things that make me happy now. So I am sure that means some things will change, there may be new friendships, some old ones may be lost. There will be some new work, and some old work maybe lost or at least put on the back burner. But either way, I am learning that life is short, things change quickly and you must do and experience all you can in that short about of time.

Be Happy!

The King Of The White Women...

On a regular, I blog surf. Meaning when I am bored and tired of working I check other miscellaneous blogs just to see what people are thinking and to catch up on the latest gossip. Today I ran across this article:


http://allhiphop.com/blogs/djsproducers/archive/2007/08/27/18438140.aspx



Now, until I read this I had no idea who Palow Da Don was. I am learning that he is a producer and has produced many songs that I have danced to in my early morning post shower dance routine (OK, too much information). In this article he goes on to explain how he is "King of the White Girl" and the reasons why he dates them. I really have no problems with Black mean dating White/Asian/Hispanic women. I just need the reason to STOP being because Black women are too strong, too independent and question too much. Well, here's a thought: Maybe we are that way because of Black MEN.

There are many good Black men. I am lucky enough to believe that I have found one. But I remember all the frogs I had to kiss to get to this one, and I admit that while kissing this frog I had many questions running though my mind. People react to things based on past experiences. Many Black women have had some really bad experiences with Black men. So, as a survival tactic our mothers/aunts/grandmothers have taught us to be on guard and to take care of ourselves. Just in case. And I will be the first to admit that sometimes we go overboard with that self sufficient thing. It takes a while for us to soften up. It does not mean that we don't know how to take care of our men. When we love, we love hard. But it also means that we will not let you run the Okey Doke on us.

So look, Guys, let's come up with a new excuse. If you just want to date another race, cool. If you just happen to fall in love with a White woman, cool. When you love someone you just love them. Nothing you can do about it. And if that is the case, I will dance at your wedding in my best red dress. But don't blame independence, or the fact that we will not let you play us be the blame.


So quit 'cha bitchin', Black man, grab ya nuts and man up!

Jena 6

It always amazes and saddens me to hear that these type incidents still happen today. What is sad is that I would expect it to happen with adults. Well, not expect, but I could accept it more. What is sad/scary is that this is with children. And the truly sad part is that what is HAPPENING to the children, as a result of this foolishness that I am sure has been perpetuated by their parents, is being done to them by ADULTS who really should know better.

There is a fund to help this child pay for his attorney. I am sure there will be a cry for others who will need help soon. I guess I need to pull out my debit card.

This is madness!



Charge reduced in 'Jena 6' case
Change made on day jury was to be picked

By Howard Witt | Tribune senior correspondent
June 26, 2007
Article tools
HOUSTON - The district attorney prosecuting a racially charged beating case in the small Louisiana town of Jena abruptly reduced attempted-murder charges Monday against a black high school student accused of attacking a white student, drawing cautious praise from civil rights leaders who contend the charges were excessive and part of a pattern of uneven justice in the town.

Mychal Bell, 16, a former Jena High School football star, and five other black students had been facing the potential of up to 100 years in prison if convicted of attempted murder, conspiracy and other charges for the December beating of the white student, who was knocked unconscious but not hospitalized. The incident capped months of escalating racial tensions at the high school that began after several white youths hung nooses from a tree in the school courtyard in a taunt aimed at blacks.

But as jury selection was about to begin in Bell's case Monday, District Atty. Reed Walters reduced the charges to aggravated second-degree battery and conspiracy to commit aggravated second-degree battery, which together carry a maximum of 22 years in prison. Walters, who is prosecuting Bell as an adult, also offered the teenager a plea agreement including a suspended sentence, which Bell's father said the youth rejected.



Related Links
Racial demons rear heads
Trials for the other five accused in the case have been delayed, and it was not clear whether Walters intended to reduce the charges against them as well. Walters did not speak to reporters in Jena or return calls seeking comment.

The case against the "Jena Six," as the defendants have come to be called by their supporters, received national notice after it was featured in a May 20 Tribune report that detailed how racial animus had divided the mostly white central Louisiana town of 3,000 and erupted into repeated incidents of violence between blacks and whites.

"It certainly looks like the district attorney responded to the scrutiny the media has brought to this case," said Alan Bean, a civil rights activist in Tulia, Texas, who, along with representatives of the ACLU and the NAACP, has been sharply critical of the charges against the black youths. "I don't think he's gone far enough in reducing the charges, but we're certainly in a better place than we were."

Bell's father, Marcus Jones, said Monday that even though his son has been jailed since December and unable to post $90,000 bail, he preferred to take his case to a jury rather than plead guilty to a felony.

"The DA is trying to use my son as a scapegoat for these ridiculous charges," Jones said. "He knows there's no proof showing that my son and those other kids were trying to kill that boy. It was a simple high school fight. How can you turn that into attempted murder?"

Darrell Hickman, an attorney for one of the other youths charged in the case, said he expected the charges against the other defendants would eventually be reduced as well. And he asserted that even the reduced charges would be hard to prove.

"I think the district attorney is still overreaching," Hickman said. "The new charge is aggravated second-degree battery, which requires use of a weapon. There's no evidence that any weapon was involved."

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Official Aunt Jackie Video!!!

OH MY GOD!! There is a video! I am so happy this is my new favorite song.

I did hurt my hip trying to do this...so I am going to go lie down now.

AUNT JACKIE DANCE

This past weekend the boys showed me some new dances. I have seen the Superman, Spiderman, Batman and my new favorite The Aunt Jackie.

I really thought the boys were making these up for my amusment and to go with the songs, but thanks to YouTube I now know that all the kids in the nation are doing this foolishness.

Enjoy!!

The Return of Mr. Colorado

This morning I got a call on my cell phone. I started not to answer, but something about the number looked familar. Of all people, it was Colorado and his mom. Mom told me that he was working hard all summer on his reading and math and she knew that he would hit the ground running. I think he may trip a bit, but I am sure he will do well.

Then the conversation got teary. Colorado's mom told me that she called this morning based on a conversation with her son this morning:



CM: Are you excited about starting school?

MC: Yes, but Ms. Green will not be there to help me.

CM: It's okay, you will have a new teacher to help you this year.

MC: Yeah...but it is not the same. I am going to miss Mrs. Green. I love her. Is it wrong to love your teacher.


So after I tried not to choke up on the phone, I exchanged email addresses with Colorado's mom. That way we will be able to keep in touch this school year, and I will be sure to stop by his class the next time I am in Miami. I did not realize how much I am going to miss that job.

And all my demons!

How to Play Nicely...

Back in the day my good friend (and personal stylist) the Cruise Director, had an apartment where we all used to hang out.
Since she lived closest to all the good clubs, her apartment was usually the place where we would lay our heads after a night of dancing, drinking, and dodging men with gold teeth ( I am the undisputed gold tooth magnet). She had this black cat. I cannot remember the cat's name, probably because I really hated this cat. The problem was the cat LOVED me.

Any time I would spent the night, I would wake up with the cat either on my head or under the covers with me. Usually he was snuggled up and purring. I would wake up scream and throw the cat across the room. As sooon as I would fall asleep, the damn cat was right back under the covers.

Next she moved to an apartment not far from the house I lived in. She no longer had the cat, which made me really happy. However, I came over one day to find her with a new pet. Her dog Bandit, named so because he looked just like the dog off the Johnny Quest cartoon. I am just not an animal person. Didn't like the dog, but just like that damn cat, that damn dog was always right by my side.

This past week Hubby's younger son came to spend time with us. Sadly for me, he fell into the category with the cat and Bandit the dog. He, too, was under me any time I would allow it to happen. The thing is with this child I can't seem to get my feelings right. I hold a lot against him not for things that he has done, but for ways his mom has acted since she has allowed him to come back into Hubby's life? Is that fair? No. But it did not stop me from treating him a little different than the other kids and for that I feel really bad.

Nonetheless...he was right up under me just like that damn cat. Ewww....I hated that cat!!

I think sometimes we have to learn to separate our feelings from what we project those feelings on. I know it is not right for me not to like this child because of his mother and I vow to pray and work on being a better person when it comes to him. Hubby says that some times you have to just let your feelings go and accept things as they come. You have to do the right things no matter what wrong you think may be done to you. He is right. And I really hate when he is right.

After awhile, though it used to bug the hell out of me, I used to pet the cat. And I even played with the dog on occasion and it really wasn't that bad. I just had to get used to them and let go of whatever negative feelings I had. I guess I will have to do the same thing with the new son.

Boy, this being a grown up is a pain in the ass!! LOL

Me, the boys, and Jassi

Each summer my stepson, his best friend, and Jassi spend a week with me and Hubby at our home in Jacksonville. This year, my husband's middle son also spent time with us. This made for a really full house since at one point the above mentioned kids were here along with my godson, god daughter, and Crimes Legal's daughter. Let's just say I was making some cell block 8 size meals up in this camp!


I love when they come to visit. I guess as much as I often hate to admit it, i have wanted to have kids of my own an each year I get a chance to experience just what it would be like to have a house ful of kids. I learn two things from these weeks. One, large families each a lot of food. and two, it can be very noisy. The noise takes a while for me to get used to. I often tell hubby I have a really bad case of 'only child syndrome'. Too many folk and too much noise just upsets the hell out of me after awhile.


After a week of big breakfast and video games and the snake hunt that will go down in history, I am again along in my house. All the kids are back home preparing for school next week, and Hubby had some meetings to attend out of town. The house is quiet. I will probably get a full nights sleep tonight.


I miss the kids.

For the love of Money...

It is my belief that my family is so very worried about money. Most of the concerns I get from them stem from money. So it really took me aback yesterday when Auntie Dearest sent an email to me that said:


"Let's not make this about money, we are family and these are family
matters. Don't take things so personally."


Wow. Now, that's that bullshit right there!

When I read that I was heated! How can someone not take something personally when conversations are about them exclusively? Then, for the rest of a restless night, I began to wonder. "Am I making this about money?" I thought about it so much that I started praying by accident. What I mean by that is that I think I had a conversation with the Lord instead of the usual beggin and pleading that most folk do. " Lord, am I really that concerned about what these folk do with this money?" Hell, it ain't my money. Really it is not theirs either. I am just the one to make sure that it is distributed fairly. Oddly the more I 'prayed' the more I thought about the situation and about Auntie Dearest's comment. Moreover, I though about just how much I miss my family. Even my dumb ass Aunt. See what concerns me most is that she and Uncle Junkie are getting their financial advice from the jackleg accountant that got gradndaddy in the IRS mess we are in now. In my opinion, he is the LAST person any one should be asking for assistance. But that is just me. See...there I go talking about money again, when I should not be taking this personally and talking about family. Somebody help me get my mind right!!

We may not be the sanest group right now. Now that I think about it, we really have never been a truly sane group. We were (are) the truly functional, dysfuntional family unit. But we did at least love each other. So, when I thought back on her comment, I began to wonder. "If this is not about money, and it IS about family...then what the hell are we fighting about and what is the plan to get us back on track as family again?"

I thought about my whole family situation all through the night and into the morning. This made me a very unpleasant person to deal with this morning. But there it was staring me in the face. I had no choice. I would not be right until I got this off my chest. As much as I hated the thought of it, I had to address my concerns to AD. So I wrote an email to just her (not the group like we usually do...but I did keep a copy...ya gotta watch ya back with this crowd) this morning. In part it read:

"I keep thinking about this and you are right. This is not about money. Pretty soon that part of this whole argument will be over. What will we do to be family again?"

See, I keep thinking of this situation as a money issue because that is all we talk about. No one says anything about what we are going to do when the money is gone. What is the plan to getting back to being family? I doubt it will ever be the same as it was...but there at least has to be some start.

As of this post, I have not recieved a response from Auntie Dearest...and I really wonder if I ever will.

Divine Interventiion

This weekend was my 20th highschool reunion. Now I did not go, but I got a call from an old friend that I had not seen in years. We caught up about all our old friends and she told me all about who was doing what now. She went on about how proud she was of her daughters (who are now 12 and 14 now...God we are old. I remember when she was pregnant. MY LAWD!) and how they are doing everything in junior high school and high school that we could never do ( in short they are overly smart, taking all AP classes and super popular).

As per normal when you get in touch with an old friend she has put me on her email list. Today she sent me the first of what I am sure will be a ton of emails between us. She just does not know how much this email meant to me.

Over the last couple days the same old same has been going on with Auntie Dearest and Uncle Junkie. Again a bunch of foolishness and rumors that are just too much. For example, Hubby and I are now members of the maffia. We own too much stuff. There is no way we could have gotten it from Hubby working 24/7 and having a Doctorate. Nope, we are the Black Sopranos. GET DA FUCK OUTTA HERE! I guess I need to have a baby named Pasture since Meadow is already taken. Yes, Pasture Green is a nice name. Little do they know that if I were really a part of the Mafia, I would have had them both sleeping with the fishes...BADDA BING, BADDA BOOM!

Anyway today my old friend sent me this... well I don't know what to call it. It is definitely not a poem, so I guess I will just call it some words of advice.


Thank God for old friends.



(see the next post)